Holly, I hear waht you're saying... and it did give me pause. However, as I continued to think it through, here's what i came up with... I basically gave him the whole summer to ease out of this with her. I did not tell him he cannot have contact with her, but I did tell him he needed to tell me when he had contact with her. He never did that. I ended up "catching" them talking and in most cases the talking was indicative of more. For example, over teh summer, he was in contact with her, until one night he told me he was stayign at a friend's house, when in fact he was with her.
I have said to him on SO many occasions that if he talks to her, he is to let me know, and I would simply respond by saying, "thank you for telling me". But he had to continue to take it to the next level. One day, he left our MC session then went to play golf with her and lied to me about it. That's when I said to him, "i'll make the choice for you... you're hers". Only to have him come back 4 days later. FInally at that point, i told him that I would take him back on two conditions... no lying and no friendship with OW. He agred. He did nto adhere.
So this last time when I found out they were still talking, I told him that I have given him 6 months to ease out of that R. And here we are, he is still talking to her. So, I told him that I cannot be with him and I wanted to move on. I really meant it. 3 days later (last Monday) he came back and said that he can't imagine his life without me and that he'd tell OW that they are to have no contact and that we're back to gether. I told him taht at this point, that is in fact what I need. I cannot go on knowing that he is having a friendship, that usually ends up leading to more, with this horrible person.
I am truely at the point, and I've told him this, that if he wants her in his life, that's fine. I dno't want to tell him who he can and can't be friends with. But in that case, he cannot be in a M with me. It's not fair to me and it's eating me alive. I would truely rather be without him than living the way i have been.
So, i really do hear what you're saying, but this woudl have gone on forever and I can't live with this anxiety anymore.
Thanks for the Friends analgoy. I remember that storyline well. Only difference is that I feel more like I'm Rachel in this scenerio -- Rachel was Ross's "meant-to-be", not Emily. I don't believe horrible OW is my H's "meant-to-be". I think she lures him in with her tendancy towards drinking, sports, gambling and probably sex. He has said on a number of occasions that I am the only one who really knows him and I'm the only one he really loves. BUT, he is stuggling with doing the right thing. He gives in too easily to his emotions and temptations.
Anyone heard from Mike in a while? Maybe he's busy getting his M on track
