Flip, Rewrite history, pretty close. This is his defense mechanism for dealing with his guilt.
My relization: It was sudden. Like a bolt out of the blue. I can't really describe what I was feeling. I was pretty well wrung out emotionally. I haven't really spent much time thinking about what changed me, but what I really think helped was the 1 hour drive to work every day. Every day of my seperation, I woke up with this delima, that nagging feeling of something unresolved. Most days, I'd turn off the cell phone, turn off the radio and just drive, and think.. Hell I even talked out-loud to myself.. crazy as that sounds. I found myself making lists, Pros vs Cons of D or 180. I know that sounds horrible, but that was what I was left with. One overwhelming feeling that I do remember, just before I returned was one of impending doom. I can't think of a better way to put that.. I WANTED the OW, but I didn't want to. I cried over it, and I used my defense mechanisms to combat it. You know, this is the craziest part.. I think I knew that even before I left. How I ever came to realize that, I don't know. I'm thanking the Lord. I think surly someone was praying for my clarity.
