Mike, I have read your post and feel bad for you. But I’ve got to ask you some specific questions. If you love your wife and want to move forward, why are you finding it hard to forget the OW? Why are you NOW realizing what a wonderful person your wife is and that there is too much at risk to throw away???!!! Is it guilt that has led you to feel like this?
I too am in the same boat as your wife. Eleven months ago, it was happening to me and I was unaware of it! My H is saying the same things you are saying “he loves me more than anything”, “he realizes what a good thing he has” blah, blah, blah………Do I believe it? Sometimes I do, other times I doubt it. It has caused so much misery and hurt. Everyone here tells me to let it go and move forward and try working on my M, which I try to the best of my ability. But it is the hardest challenge of my life. I love my H but am angry and hurt even after almost a year.
So, if you really want to work on your M and love your W and make it up to her, then throw away the trash and leave it out. Focus on your M and your W. If you still have feelings for the OW, you are robbing your W of the love she needs to get back on her feet. She probably senses that she doesn’t have you 100%. Don’t keep hurting her.
