Do you think we all that are here were strong from the get go and were happy go lucky during our separation? NO, I crumpled like a dry leaf and lost 13 lbs in 2 weeks, this is a terrible trial to endure... but you will become STRONGER after this, your M will be much better after.
When I think of how my M was before my H left I shuddered, I wasn't the wife I should've been, I've seen my ugly side and learned from my mistakes, have you seen where YOU went wrong? it took 2 people for things to get where they are now.
You want him to decide on your OWN time and that is just not feasable. I too hated limbo. Your leading force right now is you and your S, it's ok to feel bad and cry now and then, but pull yourself from your bootstraps and DEFY misery everyday, CHOOSE to be happy because YOU deserve it, to live each day at its fullest despite the rollercoaster your H is in right now.
You are making him responsible for your own happiness, just like I did on my M, that' s another reason things go downhill. Make your own path, choose to make things that make you happy, detach and choose each day which road you'll take, the road to misery that will lead you nowhere, or the high road where you take control of your life, because that' sthe only person you can change, you, he needs to figure himself out now, please let him.
I never thought I could go on for more than 3 mths w/out my H, I couldnt' picture me and my 2 kids alone, but I went 7mths and I did it!! was it easy? no, did it take a day at a time to put myself together? yes. Eventually I stopped waking up with the hurt at the pit of my stomach in tears and I woke up thanking God for waht I did have and made a point of smile each time I opened my eyes.
Once you realize you don't need your H to live a full life and that you could make it on your own if it came to that, then you will have the peace of mind to wait for your H, I'm not saying you won't want your H, I'm saying you will realize that in order to survive you could make it without him.
THen you will be free to become the person you were when you were dating, the confident strong you he was attracted to. Be that person today.
There is so much hope in your sitch, please dont' throw all that away because things aren't happen at the rapid pace you want them to. Had I given my H an ultimatum 2-3mths after he left we prob would've gotten divorced, he was just NOT ready to come to me, he was still full of blame (towards me) and didnt' know who he really was, was hurt and blind to common sense.
Because of work, household and kids I put God last, this horrible ordeal put me back in His hands and He gave me peace like no other, He quieted my heart when it was breaking into little pieces. Pray every day, everytime you feel your are going into a tailspin.
Choose to not waste one more day in misery, realize this sitch could go on for a while, my H didn't even wanted to look at me after 2mths of him being gone, and look at your H! he spends time w/you! DO NOT loose hope!
Please see a T or a support group, I benefited from both greatly, your son deserves that, let no one ever said you didnt' fight to the bitter end for your family.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
