How to handle H in separate room

[inpain_dup1]

Well - we went to get the bed and talked about R all the way there at his suggestion. I ended up feeling really upset and confused - he still doesn't know what he feels and the things he said on Sunday (The decision I'm making is not about getting divorced. The decision I'm making is about whether to move back in and try) apparently didn't mean he was moving back - I've misunderstood. He sais he can see why I would have thought that from what he said but that that isn't what he meant. He also said he keeps telling me not to worry because he doesn't like me being upset and doesn't want me to worry - not because there is nothing to worry about. I told him how painful this all is for me and he said don't you think I know how painful it is for you. I said I had thought maybe he didn't realise how painful it is for me to see him every day because I read things into it and thought he was coming home so I didn't think he knew how painful it was. He says he knows how much it is hurting me.

We made a start on putting bed together and didn't argue once (another 180 where DIY is concerned!) and then I dropped him off in town for a night out (he asked me to). I've seen him today but he was really hung over and tired. I'd finished putting the bed together myself last night and he said it looked nice and how comfy it was. I apologised for getting upset yesterday and explained that I had thought that becuase we were getting the bed I thought he'd be moving into it because S really isn't ready for the bed yet. He said he'd got it because it meant there was another option for him.

I'm so miserable now, I feel like there is no hope left of him coming home and nothing left to fight for. He says he loves me but not to the degree he did when we got married. He says he needs to work out whether to give it another go. I broke a DB rule and asked him what reasons he had for not coming back and trying and he couldn't give me any and said it was a really difficult question.

I just don't know what to do now. Don't know whether to get house valued and start looking for a job and start thinking about D myself. I just don't know why I'm waiting for someone who doesn't want to be with me. I deserve to be loved back.