just gettin started on my life w/o H

[hc3gal]

Hey Peanut hope your movie was good...I'm glad you're getting out and doing things that's awesome.

So I texted my husband at about 12:30am since I was still up last night and offered that he could pick S up from my brother and SIL's house today and then take him to his dad's but once again he tried to make me feel guilty by saying "i guess i won't pick him up since he's with them...to bad for my dad." I texted back and said "would it make u happy if i dropped him off for you, i have to drop off a card for your dad anyway." He said "as a matter of fact it would " So I told him i'd do it.

Things went fine until i walked in the door and saw him...i see him all the time but lately i get anxiety when i see him. I started to let down my guard a little and he hurt me again i suppose...I just feel like i have to be distant and keep my guard up so i won't get hurt. I told him months ago i wasn't going to let him hurt me anymore and I did...very frustrating. Everybody at in-laws house kept telling me to stay while H was sitting right there...they were very open about it..."no stay, no eat pizza and hang out." They were all just sitting there in the same room on the couches which before wouldn't have been a big deal but my H was acting funny so I decided to leave and left S with him and he said he would drop him off at the house for me, though I could tell he was frustrated because he wanted S to spend the night tonight probably so he could turn down Tuesday so he could spend the night with his girlfriend.

A bit after I left my MIL called me and told me what had happened. H had said "somethins up with H~ and i don't know what it is" so MIL decided to say "i think u hurt her feelings." Of course his response is "what did i do to do that." She says "you're taking her S to the zoo with your girlfriend." Keep in mind this is in front of his three younger brother and his SIL. He said "i didn't tell her i was going with my girlfriend." So his mom said "you didn't have to say it, i was there and it was pretty obvious." He said "she has to understand that OW doesn't do any parenting with S...she doesn't hold him or even touch him." Can I point out, that is very disturbing all in itself...holy cow he's dating someone who wants nothing to do with our S..."i'm sorry but are u psychotic" comes to mind. So MIL says "it doesn't matter if she parents or not." He says "what do u mean." She says "H~ loves you." H says "she doesn't have to." Then SIL pipes in and says "and I don't know why she does." H says "shutup SIL."

So yah...all that happened before I even got to H's dads house to drop off S...no wonder H was acting funny...WEIRD. So H came to drop off S after he was done at his dad's house, he came in the house handed me our sleeping S and sat on the couch for a few minutes...playing with dog and trying to make conversation. Let's just say he knows he was caught red handed but I can keep my cool...I haven't mentioned a word about it and I'm just going to wish them a wonderful time.

For some reason he can't stand it when I'm not happy with him...he tries so hard to suck up...it seems like he just wants no conflict to deal with but reality is when you're cheating on your wife and your OW is extremely attached to you and your wife still wants to make your marriage work...there's definately going to be conflict...don't think he quite understands that one yet.

[MonicaP]

HI Hc3gal,

Wow, I just read this one post and could relate so much!

Good for you for not taking the bait about Ow and the zoo trip.

My H has a big problem with confrontation too. I'm just hoping he carries that into his R w/ Ow and one day realizes he has no voice with her either!

I've also heard the line "She doesn't parent S4, I do." I'm sorry, this is not comforting. It's her presence at all that's sickening.

Anyway, I'll read your thread soon.

[ForPeanut]

I don't know what to tell you about your H. He is still so obviously conflicted. The fact that his family is putting on a bit of pressure too might actually be an ok thing. It gets him thinking. They seem to know too when to back off him.

I agree with the ridiculousness of "she doesn't parent him" statement. How sick is that. She doesn't even touch him? I guess that could make you feel better that she isn't smothering him with kisses or anything but no contact whatsoever? It's either not the truth or she has issues. If it is true though, one point for you. It's probably why he really likes seeing you play with S. One day, hopefully sooner rather than later, he will wake up and realize that a woman that won't even touch his son is no good.

Thinking of you.
~T

[hc3gal]

After the zoo trip with OW came up on Sunday my H figured out why I wasn't very happy with him. Monday when I dropped S off I stayed just briefly to drop off S and told him not to worry about lunch. He looked at me very confused. For some reason he couldn't understand why I didn't want him to bring S to lunch. Right after I got to work he texted me saying "Please don't be so made at me. nobody is ever gonna replace u as mom. and i hope the same for me." Then he texted "if someone else is around...thats it- just around." Then "connor loves us more than anything and it will stay that way." I texted him back after the third text and said "i'm not mad...not worried about being replaced either...i just need some space right now." Then I texted "my baby and I deserve both a dedicated husband and daddy which sadly u are not choosing right now." Then he texted back "hes still my son and ill always want to be his daddy." So needless to say he got me all teary at work and I had to get up and walk around for a few minutes. I don't know if it was PMS or what but man last week I was in a deep dark rut and I don't know why!!

This week I'm doing a bit better but it's been tough. I picked S up Monday night after the texting convo and H asked how much money I wanted since i'm in a crunch. He said "I was going to give you a bunch of money tomorrow until you started being a poophead." I was nice and told him that he can give me whatever he would like...not to worry about me.

Tuesday...zoo day...I saw him at lunch so i could feed S since they were going to be gone at the zoo when I got off work. He mentioned that he needed the stroller and it had been raining out and I didn't want the good stroller to get wet so in my head I got to thinking that they would probably take OWs car anyway...which is a baby blue VW bug with a black convertible top...funniest girly car ever...i would never even drive it. So I started thinking about seeing him riding in it and started cracking up outloud...it actually shocked me that the laugh actually came out. He looked at me funny, since we hadn't talked about anything that would be even slightly funny, and asked "what?" I said nothin but then cracked up again...I truely don't know what got into me...I haven't laughed about our situation in a while and I finally just told him "i was just thinking how funny it would be to see u riding in that car." He said "yah, i really don't like it." I said "so does that make you gay??" He said "yah, i'm gay didn't you know??" I said "oh...you mean by...right??" He made some other comment about men pickin up on him and I said "yah, gay men are tryin to pick up on u cause your hot huh??" We were both joking and laughing but can I say I sincerely shocked myself that I said and did what I did. I was laughing about it to myself the entire rest of the day...guess u gotta find humor some how. He knew exactly what I was saying about the gay comment because he told his brother that if he EVER let his wife get a convertible bug and he road around in it he would be gay...now he rides around with OW in it....LOL!! He actually texted me on the way to zoo with OW and said "you really got me good with the gay thing (smiley face)." I was just crackin up. Before I left lunch yesterday he gave me a check and I looked at it and said "oh, these are your old checks." He agreed. Then I said "and they have your old address on them." He said "yah" then a second later he said "not really, that's just where I had them sent." I said "i'm not too worried about it anyway."

I think I've gone looney. Maybe I've seriously had some kind of breakdown from my rut last week

He called his mom today while she was watching our S to thank her for watching him and told her that he did some Christmas shopping today so of course she asked what he had bought and he said that he had bought something for OW and some other gift cards for his family. His mom asked what he got OW and he said "I'm not going to tell you, you're scary." Basically she tells him how she feels. She said "what did u get her a diamond ring." Apparently it was a big NO on that one...which I can say is pretty exciting. She said "if you don't tell me that's what I'm going to think it is...besides i'm not going to tell H~" Oops it slipped. Apparently he bought OW some accessories for her new cell phone...woohoo That's romantic...but i'm sure there's more to come I'm just wondering if and what he is going to get me...guess we'll see...definately not expecting anything from him though I am making him something special which will be fun for him to have at his place...coasters that have pictures of our S and dog that have a glossy plastic glaze over the top...super cool...i'm finishing them tomorrow Thought that would be good to have something meaningful around that I made and can remind him of me and my love without having a picture of me or anything like that. Oh, that reminds me I texted him a message on Monday too that said "i truely hope when u find yourself u realize how special and important u r in my eyes and in Gods, even through this i won't give up on u, as your wife i'm here for u if u ever need me." Weird thing is this didn't make him more distant at all, he didn't respond to it but he didn't withdraw either...still texts and is nice and appreciative.

[hc3gal]

Just a little FYI...H texted me a picture of our S while they were at the zoo as I had asked him if he would earlier that day. I had actually told my baby "maybe daddy will send mommy a picture of u at the zoo!" He did...shocking!! and he even replied to my message. I was just wondering...was she in the bathroom when he texted...LOL!!

[ForPeanut]

PS, Forgot to ask about your xmas party this weekend? I hope you had fun in your new dress.
~T

[ForPeanut]

I hope all is going well with your holiday plans! I am sure that your baby makes it all the more exciting. I can't wait to see Aubrielle open up her gifts next year. Give me a call after the holidays sometime.
~T

[hc3gal]

I haven't posted in a while because my internet at home isn't functional...things have been pretty rough for me but I'm trying to get back my marriage saving attitude. It seems as though everytime I'm at my Hs apartment there is another piece of her there...I read a Christmas card from her and it seems she's "in love" with my H. It was a rough time through Christmas but I made it and hopefully I'll get faith back in God as for saving my marriage and my H. He just went out and bought a new car last week and still seems as though he has no intentions of coming home though we had some very interesting conversations last week.

I need encouragement if anybody has any as I have contemplated serving papers the last couple weeks...I've backed off on that but need my DBing back on track. I started getting anxiety about him again and am having a hard time being really cheerful around him. I hope I can get happy again...it's just been hard. He got her gifts and me none of course...i wasn't expecting anything but thought it would be a bonus...no bonus for me this time. Did ask him if I could model what was in the Victoria's Secret that was sitting next to his bed?? He said it wasn't that...it was just the bag...RIGHT!! I call BS. I just chuckled and said "dang."

Gotta go for now...there's so much more to say so maybe tomorrow I'll get on again after work.

[ForPeanut]

H~
Thinking about you! I will try to call in a few minutes to catch you before it is much later. Hope your New Years went ok! Talk to you soon.
~T

[H-im-so-sorry]

hi there,ive been reading your stich and wondering how you are.
hope you will post and let us know soon