After the zoo trip with OW came up on Sunday my H figured out why I wasn't very happy with him. Monday when I dropped S off I stayed just briefly to drop off S and told him not to worry about lunch. He looked at me very confused. For some reason he couldn't understand why I didn't want him to bring S to lunch. Right after I got to work he texted me saying "Please don't be so made at me. nobody is ever gonna replace u as mom. and i hope the same for me." Then he texted "if someone else is around...thats it- just around." Then "connor loves us more than anything and it will stay that way." I texted him back after the third text and said "i'm not mad...not worried about being replaced either...i just need some space right now." Then I texted "my baby and I deserve both a dedicated husband and daddy which sadly u are not choosing right now." Then he texted back "hes still my son and ill always want to be his daddy." So needless to say he got me all teary at work and I had to get up and walk around for a few minutes. I don't know if it was PMS or what but man last week I was in a deep dark rut and I don't know why!!

This week I'm doing a bit better but it's been tough. I picked S up Monday night after the texting convo and H asked how much money I wanted since i'm in a crunch. He said "I was going to give you a bunch of money tomorrow until you started being a poophead." I was nice and told him that he can give me whatever he would like...not to worry about me.

Tuesday...zoo day...I saw him at lunch so i could feed S since they were going to be gone at the zoo when I got off work. He mentioned that he needed the stroller and it had been raining out and I didn't want the good stroller to get wet so in my head I got to thinking that they would probably take OWs car anyway...which is a baby blue VW bug with a black convertible top...funniest girly car ever...i would never even drive it. So I started thinking about seeing him riding in it and started cracking up outloud...it actually shocked me that the laugh actually came out. He looked at me funny, since we hadn't talked about anything that would be even slightly funny, and asked "what?" I said nothin but then cracked up again...I truely don't know what got into me...I haven't laughed about our situation in a while and I finally just told him "i was just thinking how funny it would be to see u riding in that car." He said "yah, i really don't like it." I said "so does that make you gay??" He said "yah, i'm gay didn't you know??" I said "oh...you mean by...right??" He made some other comment about men pickin up on him and I said "yah, gay men are tryin to pick up on u cause your hot huh??" We were both joking and laughing but can I say I sincerely shocked myself that I said and did what I did. I was laughing about it to myself the entire rest of the day...guess u gotta find humor some how. He knew exactly what I was saying about the gay comment because he told his brother that if he EVER let his wife get a convertible bug and he road around in it he would be gay...now he rides around with OW in it....LOL!! He actually texted me on the way to zoo with OW and said "you really got me good with the gay thing (smiley face)." I was just crackin up. Before I left lunch yesterday he gave me a check and I looked at it and said "oh, these are your old checks." He agreed. Then I said "and they have your old address on them." He said "yah" then a second later he said "not really, that's just where I had them sent." I said "i'm not too worried about it anyway."

I think I've gone looney. Maybe I've seriously had some kind of breakdown from my rut last week

He called his mom today while she was watching our S to thank her for watching him and told her that he did some Christmas shopping today so of course she asked what he had bought and he said that he had bought something for OW and some other gift cards for his family. His mom asked what he got OW and he said "I'm not going to tell you, you're scary." Basically she tells him how she feels. She said "what did u get her a diamond ring." Apparently it was a big NO on that one...which I can say is pretty exciting. She said "if you don't tell me that's what I'm going to think it is...besides i'm not going to tell H~" Oops it slipped. Apparently he bought OW some accessories for her new cell phone...woohoo That's romantic...but i'm sure there's more to come I'm just wondering if and what he is going to get me...guess we'll see...definately not expecting anything from him though I am making him something special which will be fun for him to have at his place...coasters that have pictures of our S and dog that have a glossy plastic glaze over the top...super cool...i'm finishing them tomorrow Thought that would be good to have something meaningful around that I made and can remind him of me and my love without having a picture of me or anything like that. Oh, that reminds me I texted him a message on Monday too that said "i truely hope when u find yourself u realize how special and important u r in my eyes and in Gods, even through this i won't give up on u, as your wife i'm here for u if u ever need me." Weird thing is this didn't make him more distant at all, he didn't respond to it but he didn't withdraw either...still texts and is nice and appreciative.