just gettin started on my life w/o H

[ForPeanut]

Ugh! What is wrong with these guys? They really must be sick. Do they really think we are stupid enough to trust them forever just because they acted like they might care a little bit? His flip flopping between personalities is definitely a sign of his confusion but really, how long do you put up with it? There are people on here that are able to manage somehow for years! I don't think it is a matter of loving or not loving them but loving yourself. I know that DBing promotes GAL despite the mess our Hs are making but how can we really do that when our emotions are so tied up by them? I went out with some gfs last night and had fun but (if I weren't also hugely pregnant) could have done some serious flirting but my conscience wouldn't let me. Obviously my H doesn't have a problem doing whatever he wants but despite my detaching as best I can, I can't get rid of the feelings of dedication and love I have for him. I know "they" say that you will know when it is time to really let go but if we go by the MLC or depression theories, our Hs may really come out of this and become unalien again. That is a risk that is really hard to take. To me, moving on would be starting to allow myself to see other men in a way that could make them potential Hs. I do this now (who doesn't) but not in a serious way. And then you throw in kids and it is not just me GAL but worrying how my choices will help or screw up my baby.

Sorry to get rambling but this all just sucks! Hope your day today is going ok. Give me a call this weekend if you get a chance.
~T