Last night I was talking with H's mom and we were trying to figure out an informal way for everyone to get together for Thanksgiving...including me and H. At first we were going to get together with his family at my place but I told my MIL that maybe she should check with H, he probably would want to have it at his place since it's his family...that's what he was upset about on S's b-day.

She called him and he really wanted to have it at his place and didn't sound too interested in having me there so after they made plans together and I got off the phone with MIL I texted H and told him "I appreciate your family's invite to desert on Thanksgiving but you guys get together with your family and have a great time." He didn't text back which is what I expected...I thought he was probably thinking "oh good finally I can get a break from seeing her." You know since I was down last night Then first thing this morning when I dropped S off with H he sat down on the arm of the couch and said in a nice caring voice "you know I don't mind if you come pick S up on Thursday when my family is getting together for desert." Yes folks, he said it himself, he didn't mind if I was there...my word...can u believe it. That is the first time in the history of our separation that my H in some sort of round about way invited me to something...now we're gettin somewhere Then he asked in his concerned caring voice what I've been up too...and I said I've been busy...couldn't really pinpoint anything huge that's been going on but reminded him I've been going to church...which I love...he asked "which church are you going to again?" This is like the 4th time he's asked...I'm really expecting him to show up soon since he keeps asking I also told him I was getting my haircut tonight and he seemed chipper about that.

I was in a hurry but he was very interested in my life all of sudden today...I wonder if it's because he's concerned I'm movin on. After I left his place this morning I cried on my way to work. To have good things happen after so much bad it's just hard to contain my feelings. Luckily I made it to my car before I got teary.

I've been waiting so long for something exciting like the things that have happened in last few days that I just can't contain my emotions I'm happy but so overwhelmed and confused and just keep talking myself down...what if all of these positive things really aren't what I think they are...I know I need to "think as if" but now that things may be getting better between us it's hard all of a sudden to know how to think, feel, act, speak, etc. I've been trying so hard for so long to contain my composure and have this overwhelming amount of self control...it almost feels weird to have my H doing and saying these nice things to me.

At lunch he brought S to me at work...he was kinda getting impatient with me and I just started laughing and asked him why he was getting so impatient with me...I joked with him. He was looking at a motorcycle magazine and calling on motorcycles...he's wanted one for years...I cheered him on and joked about wanting to get one too. His mind seemed very preoccupied...he mentioned out of the blue that he's been very stressed lately...didn't ask why...I decided I probably already knew what the answer was to my question. I was just wondering if maybe he wanted me to ask. I decided if he has something he wants to tell me then he'll probably go ahead and tell me when the time is right. He had told me this morning that he wasn't going to be around this evening for me to feed S so lunch was it. Then when he came at lunch he said "well I guess I can wait until after you get off work to go to watch my brothers wrestle so you can see S and feed him." Yes, once again...he did something that he knew was important to me. I was so happy.

When I went after work to feed S H was making a pizza and asked if I wanted one too...I told him I didn't want a whole one so he shared his with me and S. Once again he was very interested in my life and wondering why our friend called me instead of him. He said the only reason he would call me instead of him is if he wanted me and then went ahead and asked "does he want you." Why doesn't he want to talk to me...kept going on and on about it. Very weird because I think he thinks there was/is something going on with me and someone else. When I put S in H's truck he was still asking about friend and it was finally the time to tell H what friend had told me. I told H "you know friend told me something the other day that really made me teary and I don't get teary very often." H asked what it was that he said. I told him "he said you told him once, or a few times, that if anything happens to me promise that you'll take care of H~...promise you'll take care of her and my family." I got teary telling him and he had nothing to say...but what do you say to that. He said "i don't know why he'd tell you that" and "obviously i haven't talked to him in a long time." He got quiet and said he needed to go so he could get to wrestling. I feel like I don't want to guilt him into anything but sometimes he just needs to know what it is he cared about the most.

I went and got my haircut and hung out with my dog. I haven't heard from H tonight so we'll see how it goes in the morning.