Well, obviously your efforts are starting to pay off! You are talking and spending some time together. Not fighting. Bonus! He is being active in your S's life and not avoiding you. Positive stuff for sure.
Do you know the vehicle that supposedly belongs to his friend? Not that it really matters if it is hers. (unless he has stopped seeing her as much-then yay!) Maybe his friend is really staying with him. Most of us know how lonely it can get living alone. Especially when we have not been for so long. Hmmmm. Do you know this friend or is he a new person in your Hs life?
How did the fence go up? Do you own your house? Are you planning to or able to stay there? Just curious.
Hope tonight went just as well as the last week or so has gone! Thinking of you! ~T
Trust in yourself...you are the only one that can guide your future...
Me-28 X-30 QLC-just separated from OW after 3 yrs M-3yrs Tog-8yrs D-3yrs Bomb-8/5/06
Well...roller coaster ride it is! Today wasn't so hot. This morning H was supposed to pick up son after work 7:15am and all of a sudden this morning I couldn't remember if he was getting off early so I called him at work just to make sure I didn't have to meet him somewhere to make it to work ontime.
When I called they asked who it was...keep in mind she works right there too. I said "it's ____...his W." I think that stirred some things up a bit...not purposefully, but am I not his wife anymore...should I have left that off?? I imagine they had some conversations or comments about it after we got off the phone. I'm thinkin OW kinda tweaked today about the whole thing.
H was home at lunch time when I went to feed son so I went to his apartment. H got up and took a shower while I was there. He met me at my work to drop son off at 5:00 and looked like crap...almost like he'd been crying...maybe just sleeping really hard. I asked him if he was ok...he said "i'm just tired" really quick...handed me son's stuff and wanted to get out of there. Wouldn't look at me or nothing. WEIRD!!
So I noticed that son's blanky smelled really good...then noticed there were OW's dog's hair all over his blanky and him. Not very exciting...but maybe he's trying to get me or appease her from the "wife" thing this morning. Or maybe things are going very well between them...one can hope right
Also noticed today at lunch that H's wedding ring is gone off his dresser...where it went i have no idea!
Yah, I know his friend Jose's car...Jose is his best friend right now and has been since before we split...he helped OW move into her apartment when her husband left her and helped my H move into his apartment when I kicked him out.
I know her car too...stands out like a soar thumb...convertible baby blue bug...but I think she actually may have gotten a new car recently.
My brother came up from where he lives and got a couple friends together this weekend and we got the fence completely put up...YAY!! It looks awesome...so excited that my dog isn't going to get eatin again Yah...we own our house...got it through a special program called Officer Next Door since my H is in law enforcement...got an awesome deal and are going to make a bit off of it when we get to sell it.
At first he wanted to live in the house and wanted everything...but ends up I am living in the house and have house, baby, dog, furniture...everything...he went out and got a lease on an apartment for a year...bought all new furniture and furnishings and I'm sure a new car is coming soon...his little truck isn't doing so well and I have a new 2005 Mercury Mountaineer...not that I had money to make that purchase necessarily but it was in the middle of the craziness...awesome vehicle though.
I'm very blessed to have what I have...once things settled down H couldn't stand the thought of me being without anything so he bought everything for himself...so he didn't have to take anything from me. That was pretty nice of him. Besides OW probably didn't want him to have anything from his marriage anyway.
So big OUCH for the day...found out today that my H has a sex life with OW...one would guess that they did but today I found out. While he was in the shower I read his text messages on his phone. OW had texted that "i don't want to write everything over txt I'm just not comfortable with Huck (another woman H works with) and our sex life." Wow that was a bummer...of course I felt that they probably have had sex....it just sucks to actually know it. But it does sound like she's not happy with H right now which does account for him being interesting yesterday afternoon and being really nice today.
He doesn't seem like he wants to give up our marriage and is being very nice and bought me lunch today but wow...my mind is fixated right now...I have to refocus on my goal. Please someone give me some encouragement about my future as right now is so difficult knowing I'm not the only one he's been with now!!
I have to go to catch up with some family to trick-or-treat with so please say your prayers for me and keep me close in your thoughts. Please lend some encouraging words if you have a moment.
hc- Totally know the devastation you feel. My H and I were the one and only for each other before this OW. Really disgusts me to think about them having sex or doing anything that we used to do. It really hurts the whole image of when he comes back too. I found out the day of the bomb that they had slept together and really let him have it about how it made me feel. Obviously didn't help my case any. And then since we stayed "friends" in our house for a couple weeks after that and I still wanted to when the opportunity presented itself, we slept together a few times. It was weird and still is to think that now he has something to compare us to. Since I don't. The whole thing really sucks and I am no where near "over it" but it has faded and isn't the only thing I think about any more. I did for a while and still have an image flash once in a while. Grosses me out and makes me so jealous at the same time. The depressing realization that he isn't "mine" anymore and never will be just mine again. SHE will always be in our bed with us. (when we have a bed together again that is) Anyway, the encouragement I have for you is that the images will fade and I am in your same boat honey.
I hope the positive attention from him continues for you! I will check in again soon! ~T
Trust in yourself...you are the only one that can guide your future...
Me-28 X-30 QLC-just separated from OW after 3 yrs M-3yrs Tog-8yrs D-3yrs Bomb-8/5/06
FP I feel the same way...I am so completely attracted to my H but at the same time it is such a weird feeling because I don't feel like he's mine...I feel like he's somebody elses. I'm sure the feelings will fade quickly if and when he wants to work on our marriage and there's no OW but right now it's just a weird feeling I get in that direction. I really try not to think about all of that sexual stuff...it does me no good and only hinders my DBing. I get completely grossed out momentarily when I think about him sharing his body with her or touching her body like he touched mine...not a good feeling...but I also miss our life together also...that's time we really enjoyed together. He told the world how that's one thing we had in common...we both loved to do that. He bragged about me to the guys...and then this...so confusing!!!
H stopped by unannounced today for the first time ever. He had said earlier today he may come over but he'd call first. He didn't call...just dropped by. He was very depressed and not his bubbly self...kinda weird but made me happy. I was happy around him and he was nice to me...I just know somethings going on with him and OW. He asked me what we are doing tomorrow and I said I wasn't sure yet...I was trying to think of something to do. I asked him what he was up to besides sleeping since he works tonight and he said he wasn't sure either. Said he'd talk to me tomorrow. He couldn't look at me tonight but he was very quiet and seemed as though there was really something weighing on his mind.
I texted him a picture of our son with his jammies on his head...he put them there himself...he was so tired...he was trying to get himself ready for bed It said "Daddy is this how my jammies go?" H was amused and texted back saying he was going to pass out soon then I could sleep in in the morning...I mentioned while H was here how tired i've been this week and I think he may feel a little guilty. I texted back and let him know son was already passed out and I would be soon too and he texted back "good night." I am just very happy that he knows that I am still here for him and that he doesn't have to be so distant.
My wedding ring is really big on me since i've lost 30lbs and am now like....well size 1...smaller than i've ever been in my life i might add Kinda fun being skinny I had my ring in my pocket instead of on my hand when H stopped by because it kinda annoys me since it twists around so much so he was probably pondering that too.
I'm trying not to attempt figuring out all of his sayings and doings anymore but it's hard not to want to make sense of it all! It's all so confusing.
So H came over again today...he was much more cheery today...he just left for work a few minutes ago. He stayed for a couple hours and took a nap for a little while at the end...not in our bed though...in the spare bed...probably affraid I'd climb in with him
We got along really well...didn't talk about much but he even ate a little bit of the left overs from yesterday and some cheese cake I had in the fridge. He did get a few texts while he was here...they must have been from a W because i glanced and saw it was a long one...his guy friends always text tiny messages. Of course he doesn't offer who it is...all i said was "what would you do without a cell phone?" He didn't respond He was probably thinking he'd be a lot better off in his life if he didn't have one When he left he said "Have a good day tomorrow!" Was very nice. He's definately keeping his foot in the door....giving me some hope for the future...I just have to keep those patience It's been almost 4 months since we separated
Quote: SHE will always be in our bed with us. (when we have a bed together again that is)
No she wont, I was also feeling the VERY same way, and just wrote a post to someone else about this. Our sex life w/our Hs was a loving one, not a crazed-delusional-forbidden endorphin the SL during an A was, our SL was a connection of two people who chose to be w/each other, the SL with the ops was just a need for a drug the WAS have, a bandaid for a void the WAS want to fill.
Now and then I think about my H's A when we ML, but it comes and goes in a sec. We were each other's first, but I always try to remember that I was his love and he choose me, he didn't run to me to drown his voids nor because his head was in a thick fog. I refuse to let the op into my bedroom, I try new things w/my H that I know he's never done before, I create new memories w/him.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I saw my H at lunch today as I usually do on Mondays and Tuesdays since he watches S1 and brings him to me to nurse. H keeps wanting me to ween our S1 out of his convenience. I just can't fathom the thought of stopping this bond with my S and I out of convenience for him...who right now is apparently never planning on moving back in with his family.
He expressed regret today about getting a lease on his apartment, but only for the sake of our dog which he would like to have stay with him sometimes. I guess at least he's missing something, but what about ME??!! I asked him how much it cost to break the lease and he actually told me...it's 2 months worth of rent $1600. When it would have only been $35 a month extra to not get a lease...1.5 hours of overtime for him and he's working like 20 hours of overtime a week...make any sense to anyone else...cause it doesn't to me...except OW was with him and I'm sure she wanted to make sure he was stuck!
He was on a high at lunch...kinda depressing for me but I went along with it. Then when I picked S1 up after work he could barely keep his eyes open. Have I ever stated "I don't get any of this??" It doesn't seem like he's spending as much time with OW but I really have no idea. Today I just was down a bit just wishing that my H loved me and would say SOMETHING regarding our future together...something positive that is...no such luck!!
I was very good at keeping my thoughts to myself regarding all of his comments at lunch about OW and her H drama...she's trying to get him arrested because of his new girlfriend...she's under 18 and he's 25 and blah blah blah...he said "and why am I telling you all of this." I replied "you really don't have to, because it doesn't concern me, it's not my worry, and I thank God for that!!" I wasn nice in saying it of course but I let him know I'm really not interested in knowing anyway.
So far I'm staying on track pretty well as for my DBing. It's not easy to NOT tell him how I feel...especially today at lunch...but I did it...I am so proud that I'm getting so strong. I just know it won't help anything...at least right now.
