just gettin started on my life w/o H

[ForPeanut]

Hope things are going ok. Stop in and update us soon! Thinking of you!
~T

[hc3gal]

So H spent a couple nights at the beach and got home in the middle of the day Thursday our baby's 1st b-day. He picked him up from MIL and I at lunch time and I let him know we were having a get together for sons b-day that night. He was ok with it until he found out his family was going to be there too at our house...where I'm living.

He thought we planned the whole thing without him...which it just kinda got thrown together and he was out of town...no one wanted to call him while we all knew what he was doing. He was all decked out in new clothes that he had bought at the outlets at the beach...new doc martin shoes, new shirt, new pants....the whole 9 yards. He looked good though He had never told me where he was going or that he was spending the night so he was a bit upset I think when I in a very round about way let him know that I knew where he was and that he was gone for the last couple days. I politely asked him if he had fun...if he got new shoes and asked him if he got them at the outlets. When it came to planning the get together I let him know that he was out of town for a couple days so that's why I hadn't let him know sooner. He was probably fumbling around in his brain trying to remember if he had told me and wondering what I know...etc.etc.etc.

Let me tell you...once again...it took every inch of me not to explode when I saw his new wardrobe. He had son in hand and was taking him for the rest of the day...I turned my shopping cart around and headed for the check out register. I was so flustered I almost lost it so I took a walk...good idea for sure. By the time he caught up with me with son I was more calm. He could tell I was flustered and helped me scan in my son's b-day present...a push buggy...which he loves by the way. He tried to initiate a nice conversation and I was nice back but just really wanted to escape...didn't show it of course. Then while we were having our conversation he found out his family was coming to my place instead of his...which he never planned anything in the first place...he got all sorts of mad...I was still nice and was trying to clarify a few things with get together and picking son up from him and he kept telling me "just leave, just leave." I let him know he was welcome to come over. Right away he called his mom to yell at her..."if MY family is going to get together they should be getting together at MY place." His mom called me of course since we tell eachother everything...just a little side note...sometimes that's not the best idea...causes more stress sometimes Love her honesty though.

H didn't show up at party...his whole family did and everyone kept asking "is H going to be here...where is he....why is he not here." MIL let FIL know that H doesn't want them to associate with me anymore....we all were not in aggreance on that as we all decided we aren't loosing eachother just because he isn't with me....that's a good thing.

After the get together I texted H a picture of S with blue all over his face from cake and said "daddy, do i have something on my face?" H texted back...WOW...did you here that...H texted back "I could pick him up at ur house at 7" which I was shocked at. I texted him "Ok, thanks that works great for me, I appreciate it, we all missed you being here, S was so funny, he's definately your son "

H was very pleasant next morning and stuck around until after I left...I think he went through some things in the garage after I left but I'm at the point that there are no material things that will get me that worked up. Didn't even ask what he was looking for...don't really care anyway. H brought S to me at lunch time and we went to Dairy Queen...he was very pleasant and I paid for our lunch since he had so many times in the past. He sat in the back seat with S and we visited a little about nothin. I picked S up at 5:30 at his apartment and he was a little interested in why I was feeding S in the car instead of his apartment but he didn't say much. He texted me Friday night from work wondering what size our S wears since his big b-day party was Saturday. I texted back with size and he texted back again saying "Thanks" and I texted "welcome. have a good night."

Saturday he called and wanted to know when I was setting up at the pizza parlor for S's b-day party so he could come help setup. He got there a few minutes early and helped with S so we could setup....party went great. My mom...keep in mind...was the first one to say that she wouldn't be at the party if H was there...gave him a big hug, kissed him on the cheek and told him she loved him. He hugged her and gave her a kiss on the cheek back...very unlike H. She told him "keep us in your thoughts" and he said he would. No one was mean to him and everyone was very nice and friendly. He bought the pizza and pop for 30-40 people and was very helpful in everything. He stayed afterward to help cleanup and get everything in my car. It was awesome...my H and I were in the same room with all of our friends and family and our S...what more could someone ask for. He put S in my car and S fell asleep in no time. I texted a picture of sleeping S to him and he texted back once again. At this point I'm very excited...he's texting me and being nice...SCORE!! I texted him letting him know I appreciated his help greatly and let him know everyone enjoyed themselves. He texted back saying thanks and he let me know he's getting his new cell phone in a week...he has been asking me about his cell phone a lot lately wondering when the contract is up since I just got a new phone.

So today I texted him another picture of S...this time he was crying in the pic. H called after a few minutes and was talking about money...wondering how much he had paid me this month and when I wanted the next money. He told me at the beginning of this month that he was getting his own car insurance and then he throws in that he is going to check a couple insurance companies but he may stay on our plan until things are finalised...something about a discount....I don't know...you got me...I could guess what he was getting at...but in all reality...think it was some kind of excuse not to change out of our car insurance. Did I mention he still hasn't changed his address at the post office to get his mail to go to his address and that he changed his checking account to his address instead of OW's. He has also been mentioning all week how he needs to get his washer and dryer working when I'm almost positive he's been doing his laundry at OW's apartment. So he now has a functional washer and dryer and is officially doing his laundry at his own place. Another big SCORE...he's changing things away from her and still hesistating slightly to change things away from me...BIG plus.

Everyone keeps telling me..."he is just so confused...none of this makes sense...he's a good guy...what's going on...why won't he just come home??" I keep letting them and myself know this is a process...not a quick or easy one by any means. I still think he's trying to shield himself and me to anymore hope or hurt. We've been getting along so good and texting and then he throws out the "until things are finalised." I think it was just to let me know again that he's not planning anything soon...don't get your hopes up.

He's picking S up in the morning around 7 and then I'll see him at lunch and after work so I'll probably have something to report tomorrow night...I've just been so crazy busy and exhausted from everything I haven't had a chance to post...thanks to everyone checking in on me...specially ForPeanut.

Let me know if you have any insight on the new behavior.

[ForPeanut]

WOW! Some baby steps in there for sure! Now of course, the warning, don't read too much into anything, but baby steps are definately good! You had some quality time together, he was upset at you hanging with his family but will maybe start to realize that you are still part of the family too. He was probably more angry and paranoid that everyone would talk about him and was "against" him. He obviously got over it though and was super dad at the party. Yay! The new wardrobe, well, lots of things could inspire that and the fact that he wanted you to see it could be read many ways. We will asume it was to impress you and was part of his attempt to show that despite everything, he is feeling (looking) good. Kind of a 180 by him. Hmmm.

The texting sounds like it is positive! Communication and humor back and forth is definately a good thing for the friendship and M. I am feeling just so happy for you that all of these things are giving off a positive vibe right now. If nothing else, he is making an effort for your S and that is nothing to overlook.

He did try to make it clear that "until things are finalized..." I agree that he is just trying to remind you of the "don't get hopes up". This time his words are trying to speak over his actions. Kinda backwards from what we usually see huh?

He is keeping his foot in the door, just like "pipeliners wife" keeps telling me in my thread. Just keep trying to keep the door open for him. We can only hope the foot becomes a leg and eventually they come all the way back in.

Keep me updated! I am glad you had a busy but good week and weekend with your S and H! Yay!
~T

[hc3gal]

So yesterday was another break through. He came by in the morning to pick up our son to watch him while I was at work and ended up staying until about 2:00 p.m. I came home at lunch to feed son and he took a nap...and was sleeping in MY bed. He has made a point since the beginning of this not to sleep in my bed...he'd always take a nap in the spare room...even when I wasn't here. Today he stayed the entire day at my house while I was at work and slept in my bed with son most of the day. I also noticed that yesterday and today he has touched my "Love Must Be Tough" book that I covered up purposefully while it was laying on the table next to the bed. I think he's getting kinda curious at my changes...the book was book marked by me at the page where it describes all of the excuses people give their spouse about leaving when they're having an affair. Crazy...I didn't even plan it that way....quite interesting.

Baby's getting hungry I'll post more in a little bit.

[hc3gal]

So to continue...yesterday when H went to take son to his apartment our dog followed him to his truck. The neighbors dogs were outside and our dog went over to visit and the other dogs attacked him pretty bad.

Our dog is 3 and we've had him since he was 5 weeks old...he is our baby and is a daddy's boy...my H misses him tons since he is living with me...yesterday he had to witness the neighbor dogs tearing into him. My H was quite disturbed at the whole thing. He called my MIL, whom he was so mad at last week, to come watch our son and he took our dog to the vet. They wouldn't stitch him up even though he has holes all over that are dripping blood...yah...not cool for my tan carpet that's for sure. He texted me at work "call me now!!!" and of course I knew something was wrong. He was very kind and told me what happened. Did I mention he completely loves and adores our dog and knows how much I love him too. He was pretty disturbed and probably felt really guilty that he's left his dog too and then this happens.

After I went home I thought he was at work and texted him a picture of our depressed dog and he texted me back a few times...had a little conversation. I found out today just from converstation with him that he wasn't at work and was shocked that he had texted me back.

He even asked me for his first favor yesterday...I was pretty excited. He wanted me to stop by his apartment and pick up his mom's keys that he accidently took with him so he could take a nap before work.

Today when I got home from work he told me that he's not going to work so much overtime anymore so he can spend more time with our son and mentioned that our son is a lot different at my house than his...his mom and I reminded him that's because this is his house and he feels most confortable here. I think H is really starting to realize some things and is starting to ponder his life a little.

He told me today that he needs to go to the DMV to get his license and registration changed to his new address just so he can be legal when he drives. He also said that he needs to call the car insurance just to get new insurance cards for his truck and get his address on them. Still hasn't changed his mailing address so his mail doesn't come to my place though.

Though I know that all this could change tomorrow I really am thinking and talking about our whole situation in a positive light and other people who were so negative are really starting to come around in supporting our marriage more...they're really starting to want to understand the situation and the fact that I truely am wanting to make my marriage work.

I am just so thankful to God that he brought calm again and is helping me through this daily. He has so much grace and mercy.

[hc3gal]

So yesterday I texted H in the morning and asked if he would take S for a little while in the evening so I could get my nails done. I forgot he was working overtime so I texted again and said if you will still be sleeping no big deal...just let me know. After he got off work he texted confirming he had worked a long shift and it wouldn't be a good day for him to take son.

Yet another break through....H called me last night just to chat without asking how son or dog are. That is a BIG first for this situation. He asked if I found anyone to watch son so i could get my nails done. I let him know I hadn't...no big deal...i'd do it another day. He said maybe Friday would be a good day for him to have son for a little while and I agreed that might work well.

Then he called again last night right before he had to be at work to let me know he bid on his new shift at work and starting January 1 he would be working swing shift for three months and day shift the rest of the year and let me know his days off "so I could plan things ahead if I wanted."

Very interesting I must say since I'm pretty sure he wasn't with OW when he made these calls to me...that's pretty stinkin exciting if you ask me.

So, yes, things are going well so far this week...hopefully the positive stuff continues. Somethings different and I like it a lot.

[ForPeanut]

Yay! More good news with the H! Sorry to hear about your "fur baby" getting hurt! One of mine was in the vet this week too to get some meds and the other got a big owie on his leg and is still really nursing it. I hope the rest of your week continues to improve and those baby steps keep coming. Talk soon!
~T

[hc3gal]

Any advice from anyone...my H is with OW right now with my son. Of course he was covering up for the fact that he was going to be with her and lied about where he was going but I'm not stupid and I went and saw his truck at Costco...before he left he said he was going there, then said "oh wait I can't go to Costco I don't have a costco card." Then his car was at Costco when I drove by...when he first moved into his apartment everything was from Costco...explain that one...except you don't have to because I know he went with her.

Thought about going in and finding them...but decided not to since H and I are getting along so well right now. I did text him while he was with her and asked if he would drop son off on his way to work...that would be awesome...he replied OK. Then I text again and said "Thanks I really appreciate it, have fun shoppin." As if I didn't know he was with her. No reply this time...weird...pretty sure they are going to dinner too.

He really has been taking big baby steps forward in calling me and coming around the house and stuff so I chose to let it go. He called me twice Wednesday night, yesterday morning, last night, and this morning...can I say VERY unusual...either he's back on drugs, has something to tell me, or really wants to be nice and see what's up. Everytime he calls the first words are "what's Up??" I guess he's wondering what kind of mood I'm in, where I'm at and what I'm doing. I have this feeling he's going to tell me something but never gets the guts to say it and since he's still hanging out with OW I don't believe it's going to be something good.

On the other hand he asked me today when I dropped off our son with him if I wanted some more money to help with food and stuff this weekend as I have some family and friends coming over to help put up our fence so my dog doesn't get eatin again.

When I dropped off my son I was really nice...he had a new haircut and looks really HOT...so I told him his new haircut looks nice. Let him know his apartment is really clean and looks nice. He couldn't look at me in the eyes for some reason though...maybe because he's not looking good for me and HE didn't clean his apartment SHE did. Especially after he told me that the managers at the apartments are really strict and he already got a violation...then the look on his face said he just put his foot in his mouth...so he had to say what the violation was for...and next came out...if a "friend" spends too much time at your place then you have to register them and he got a violation because his friend "Jose," YAH RIGHT, spends a lot of time there. HA HA...does he really think I'm stupid?? Has he figured out yet that I don't ask questions cause I already know all the answers to the questions I would ask!!!

Anyway enough for venting...I'm just really concentrating on the fact that God has something planned for me, H, marriage, OW and none of us knows what it is right now but regardless I'm going to make it through this alive and strong...and none of this makes me love my husband less it only makes me want to be nicer and more attractive to him. I LOVE my husband dearly and it is so painful to go through this and see my husband and OW go through this but I pitty them as they are causing so much pain in their own lives, eachothers lives, all their friends and family and everyone else around them. That is one big burden if you ask me!!

[ForPeanut]

Congrats on avoiding Costco! You are doing great with your 180 and letting him believe you are in the dark when he tries to keep you there. Jose.. ha. I wonder if he is being pressured from OW? That may explain the more contact if he is feeling trapped by her all of a sudden? Pure speculation. Anyway, gotta get ready for the wedding. (Can't wait-ha) Talk more soon!
~T

[hc3gal]

So last night he brought son back to me on his way to work and visited for a few minutes. He told me he should have bought a phone with my discount and then bought me a phone...cause the one he wants is really expensive. I asked him why he wanted a new phone and he said cause his needs a new battery and it's like $50...I mentioned he should check online he could probably get it around $20 so he went online at my place and searched for a battery until I told him my brother was coming over to spend the weekend...when he heard he'd be there soon he ditched...and quick.

He knew that we were working on the fence today so he called at 7:40 tonight to ask how the fence was coming along...meaning he wasn't with OW...cause he wouldn't just call me for kicks if he was with her...YAY.

Oh yah...this is interensting too. This morning I texted him and asked him if I could pickup the pack-n-play to use for our son today while we were working outside and he said that I could come pick it up...that he was going to sleep soon but he would leave it in his truck. When I went to pick it up...his friend "Jose's" car was there in the apartment parking lot. Very interesting...maybe he does spend a lot of time there...huh?? So confusing...anyway I'm tired and gotta get little bubba to bed...way past his bed time.

Any ideas on this new information??