My H and I are both 24 and have been together 7.5 years and married 4 years. We are the only ones each other has ever been with.
My H just started working with OW in January and they became friends. H was in a band that needed a bass player and OW's H played bass so he joined the band also. My H and I with OW and her H hung out a few times but apparently my H and OW became closer over time...but secretly.
On May 31st OW's H went home to find his house empty and came to my house where he found OW and my H alone together...he came into my house and OW ran out the back door. OW's husband divorced her next day and all their stuff was split within the week. I believed my husband when he said nothing was going on and OW's H is just a freak, they were just talking.
My H made a point to be intimate with me that night even after I said that I wasn't really in the mood...he said "neither am I" and off we went. We were only intimate one more time after that.
Things with my H and I started to go downhill fairly rapidly and I kept asking him if he was having an A. He kept saying NO and asked "why do you keep asking me that." My H stopped touching me all together and stopped saying I love you.
Then came the talk July 12th, 2006. "I just don't know if I love you and want to be with you anymore." I packed his bags for him and said "well I guess you need to leave and figure it out for yourself." He went to live with his mom.
Two days after I kicked him out I received our cell phone bill and he had 20-40 texts to OW everyday for the past 2.5 months...even when he was supposedly sleeping during the day (he works graveyard). He was texting OW when he was with me and even on our Anniversary.
I didn't know what to do and did the natural thing and flipped out...said I wanted a D...and all went downhill from there. I had caught him with marijuana and pills and few months prior and so my councelor told me not to answer his phone calls or texts or allow him to see our 9 month old son.
I actually filed for D but didn't tell him. After I started reading The Divorce Remedy I came accross the retaliation piece the same night he was supposed to be served papers at work in front of OW. I called him at work and started balling and let him know that he was supposed to be getting served D papers and I didn't want a divorce and didn't know what I was doing. He replied by saying "I don't know what I'm doing!! Do you think I know what the F*** I'm doing??"
That was 2.5 months ago and now I can see all of the mistakes I made and WOW, the things I would have done differently.
I started going back to church the same weekend I found out he was cheating on me and he admitted he was having an emotional A. The Sunday school teacher at church recommended The Divorce Remedy and wow did that help me change my life.
I've backslid a couple times but for the most part I've done awesome in keeping up with my 180. My husband tested me constantly to see if I was going to do what he thought and freak out when new things arose but I didn't. He is still testing me but I'm standing my ground.
He never really mentions the OW but I know he does spend a lot of time with her and he is trying to get his mom to meet her. My H's mom and I are best friends and she has no desire to ever meet the OW, she thinks OW is the devil for being in a R with a married man w/ nursing infant.
My H grew up in a very conservative Christian home and attended an intensive Bible college.
After the intense begining and my 180 we were doing really well for a while until I found the drugs and am holding him accountable because of our son. He is so angry at me because I am not letting him spend time with our son without supervision until he proves that he is not doing drugs. He works at a jail but is smoking marijuana and drinking to cover up his pain...the jail doesn't do random drug tests so he's not affraid of getting caught.
He has told me that he is not dedicated to me right now and is not willing to give OW up but it's not a choice between me and OW.
He just moved into his apartment this last Thursday September 21st which he got a 1 year lease on, so apparently he's not planning on anything changing anytime soon. He has never been concerned with having nice posetions but he went out and fully furnished his apartment with brand new everything...including nice furniture which he bought yesterday.
I'm just wondering where my husband went because I truely don't know this man. Because of how different he is I have already detached greatly from him and when I look at him I don't even feel like the man standing in front of me is my husband.
I guess the million dollar question is "where did the man I married go...really???"
