Muddle's Waters IV

[MuddleThrough]

MC - not that I'm disagreeing with you here, but my W is in therapy and thinks it's pretty successful. She has commented many times and in many places about how much progress she's making. Her mental health is not something that I can control - and I'm very wary of pushing her. I know that this can backfire. I've seen her take a lot of steps forward with regard to our son's care. She has been more engaged with him, creating fun routines, etc. I don't think she's unable to care for him in the most basic way - she clearly is - it's just certain circumstances where she is overwhelmed by her feelings and incapacitated.

I do agree that doing whatever I can to get through the situation is participating in and possible perpetuating this unhealthy dynamic, but what then really is the alternative? We are meeting with a couples/family therapist for the purpose of doing what's best for our son. I think this will really provide the outside, objective guidance to help us get back on the right path for his sake. Until then, her issues are really her issues, and I can't make her work through them or overcome them if she doesn't take the steps necessary to do so. As far as I'm concerned, she could be avoiding all of her issues with her therapist and just talking, having her feelings validated and walking away no better than before. I can't make her change therapists. We've established a healthy forum to get things out in the open so they can really be worked on.

I'm not totally sure how to change this situation for the benefit of my son - and I'll certainly be doing a lot of meditating on that specifically (even though I do so quite often). It's difficult to do a cost/benefit analysis on this. Clearly something must be done. She needs to face her issues for his sake, if not her own. The situation as it is now is keeping her right where she doesn't need to do anything. In fact, she's sitting at home doing craft projects. Fine for a married, stay-at-home-mom, but a little out of place for someone who is trying to escape the life that's making her miserable, isn't it? The fact is that I really have to make the changes here, because she won't if left to her own devices. She'll do whatever it takes to escape her depression for the day, so she doesn't feel bad, but never look to longer term goals for her life. She's tried to shake things up and force herself to change by changing her external situation, but unfortunately that didn't change the part of her she was hoping to change. So now I need to somehow push her to do so, I guess.

Thanks again, MC. I didn't mean to imply you were here advocating divorce, just that you always seem to approach the situation from an angle that is underrepresented here.