Wow, you're right. I never thought of it that way but I AM rewarding my W for being "weak" every time I act nicer than I did when she was "strong". I feel much of my progress has been due to my understanding that I need to be loving and nice no matter what her mood is, i.e. detach. When I manage to do that, act either loving OR simply walk away when she's angry, or otherwise upset the strangest thing happens. Just like Mars/Venus says, she eventually just goes back to being "normal".
The "old" me would react to every mood/vent she had and when I did THAT, it was very hard for me to get past it. Usually once I got in a mirrored bad mood, it was for the rest of the day/night. I somehow don't have her ability to just get it out of my system unless the problem is solved. Typical male.
Anyway, all this is just to say that I think you are on the right track in terms of putting emphasis on consistency and detachment.
