I think you're right, WI, at least about the fact that W feels inadequate in comparison to others, mainly me right now. It seems that she can only see her world as it affects her and I think you're right that she can only see how I would use the information I gained in that book against her, rather than seeing the sitaution as me, another human being, looking for knowledge about why our situation is what it is with the intention of being better able to have a good relationship in the future. But that wouldn't bolster her ego by making this all about her. I think that's another big part of all of this, she needs to feel wanted by everyone around her in order to feel valuable.

This morning my W called me at work to tell me the teacher called and our son was throwing up at school. She was home with a car, yet she was so upset she was incapacitated. I told her I was on my way. When I got home she upset, pretty openly, with herself for not just getting in the car and going to pick him up. I told her that I thought she did great in getting through to me. Again I suggested she not be so hard on herself - the end result was that our son was picked up and is fine. I just see her falling apart - she's so down on herself and this can't be helpful to her in any real or healthy way.

“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ”
– Albert Einstein