Yes, we are fearing something that's lost already. I think that whether we are through the worst of it or not is up to the individual. If you build a huge amount of expectation that things will return to what they were or that they'll become something specific, you'll likely hurt a whole lot more. If you are able to truly accept the uncertainty of the situation, then you might not.
Yes, I have no doubt we remember our history selectively as well. We need to give ourselves reason to put ourselves through this, right? I have read in countless places that as long as one spouse fights for the marriage and hangs on saying it was great or worthwhile, etc, the other spouse lets it go. As counter intuitive as it sounds, if we were to all of a sudden start to talk about how horrible the marriage was with our spouse and how happy we are that we're getting out of this rotten mess, I think it will give them pause and they might turn around and defend it, even just a little bit.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
