Muddle's Waters IV

[MuddleThrough]

Or maybe we mistake fear for love and think if we give up our fear we give up our love. Loss of possession equates to loss of the object of our love, and the fear of this loss reminds us that we do in fact love, but the focus is not on the act or even feeling of love, rather it is on preventing the loss of something. The tragic thing is that often that which you are trying to prevent the loss of doesn't exist in the present because of all of the negative feelings inspired by fear, and all we do is remind ourselves of what it once was to give ourselves reason to fear the loss of it. Love is action, so we need to put aside our fears and act in love - not for fear that we'll lose all the material things in our lives if we don't do so well enough, but because we know that altruistic love is the highest calling and expression of our spirits, and we want to realize that part of ourselves. This is an expression of self love, love of our life and universe and of our spouses. It asks for nothing in return - not even from ourselves. It's not a form of emotional capital that entitles us to benefits because we have invested emotional energy in some event or person. It's a state of being, one that we all have a desire to strive for, and our spouses are our mirrors, helping us fine-tune ourselves as vessels for this calling. This situation we are going through is a test, one that gives us the ultimate opportunity to love under the most difficult of circumstances, one where our minds are clouded with the darkest emotions we can experience. It's a challenge to see people that are hurting us as people, not as evil or something that would be more convenient in the moment due to the hurt we are feeling. They are people just as we are making their choices. We HAVE to love them as our equals, regardless of how we rate their choices. We are no better or worse because we can only weigh people against our values - our subjective vantage point. We have to accept that no matter how good our rationalization is, we are just as wrong as they are. Otherwise, this battle that we fight is "I'm right, you're wrong - and everyone agrees with me that you are wrong." Not much there but animosity - no love, no appreciation, no respect. It's a power struggle, one that doesn't leave any room for love. And isn't that what this is all about?