Her mother in the past refused to allow her to move in with her because it would negatively impact her own marriage. She sees my W as being dependant, entitled, and can see her sucking the life out of her. I'm not sure whether that perspective has changed at all. It seems that she has put a lot of her perception of my W behind her in an attempt to be close to her again. It's to be expected, but I'm a little sad to see that she's condoning her behavior in an attempt to be close rather than building their relationship around other aspects of her life (as if there are any for my W now) and refusing to condone what she sees as wrong. Again, to be expected, but sad.
It's interesting - after we talked with my inlaws, she and I lay on our bed together kind of cuddling and talking about our relationship. She said that she thought that our current issues are all things that have been issues in our relationship all along, just that they are amplified by the situation. She said she thought they came and went in cycles. I told her that I thought that when we were good, we were really good together. She agreed. She then proceeded to tell me "you know I wouldn't do something like destroy our family if I didn't really believe in my feelings, right?" I asked her if she was talking about her feelings for my cousin - she said yes. So there you have it folks, after all the justifying and blaming, etc, it all comes down to the affair being the real reason for all of this. Tragic, sad, all that and more, but the fact is that now I'm starting to really focus on the positives of getting out of this relationship and really working on me and my life for a while. I am still attached and I don't want to give up this life and I really love my wife and all her crap, but I have to accept that it's not enough for me and I'd be selling myself short if I were to hang on for ever and continue to try and keep things in a place where the consequences of her choices and actions don't impact her. I need to move forward for me and leave the ashes of this situation to smolder, whether W makes it out alive or not. Now I'm in a position where I'm waiting on her to get off her ass and start doing what she needs to do and it's frustrating.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
