Quote: It's a matter of accepting that you and I are not perfect and moving on without guilt. So what if you were thinking of yourself in this instance, you've got the right!
First, no relationship is perfect. We have to accept this, just as we have to accept ourselves as perfect. The trouble with the affair dynamic is while there is a halo placed around the lover, there is a haloed reflection of the self in their eyes. The WAS is seeing an image of their perfection there. They don't have to accept the reality that THEY have flaws too! They think "if I only went over there I would be perfect because my situation would be perfect and the perfect person would bring out the perfection in me contributing to ultimate pefection in my soon to be perfect life." Well, you get my point. People in good relationships recognize that their relationships are not perfect - they accept this - just as they accept that they are not nor will they ever be perfect themselves.
Secondly, it is OUR responsibility to get OUR needs met in a relationship. If we leave this responsibility to our partner, no matter how much they know us and love us, they will never satisfy these needs. This is a simple truth, and if we don't manage our own resources, we wouldn't be able to get through a day. Marriage is compromise. Both people managing their own lives together, with mutual responsibilities. The desire to meet the needs of one's partner should be there, but the expression of the need needs to come from the person with the need. Fulfillment then is a choice, not a responsibility, of the partner. If I am hungry, I can ask my W for food. If she says no, I can get it myself, or ask someone else. It is not my W's responsibility to know I am or should be hungry and make sure I'm fed. It's mine. It's not selfish to take care of this need either, it's responsible. Maintenance.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
