I do that too Muddle. It's kind of thinking out loud and the W thinks you see her as stupid. My W gets furious when she's driving and I say "Oh, make a right up here" cuz she knows where she's going (and she does). I try not to do it. Maybe it is some kind of control mechanism we have and don't realize. When you say "Wouldn't it be quicker to go yourself" it leaves the impression that she isn't smart enough to think of that herself (in her mind). So really you are concerned about your time but masking it as concern for "getting it done quicker" and her time. That may be how she sees it. But, on the flip side if you say "I'm short on time so would it be OK if you just walked to get it today?" it leaves you open to the old "you only think of yourself". So, bottom line is which bad ending are you most comfortable with? Wow, it must be so tough having to watch every interaction! I'd be wanting to say "OK, lets both agree that I am a selfish, inconsiderate bastard who has no regard for your feelings, therefore it never needs to be said again" but that's kind of how I get myself into trouble sometimes!
Last thought here: there is always a legitimate basis to her complaints but what happens is we, as good H's, put too much thought into their legitimacy. Personally, I'm very open to looking at my "inadaquacies" but each minor thing is not the issue, she will always find another. It's a matter of accepting that you and I are not perfect and moving on without guilt. So what if you were thinking of yourself in this instance, you've got the right! It will just be something else next time. They can drag you down bit by bit if you really absorb all their complaints. It then becomes easy to feel inadaquate and undesirable. Don't do it, I'll try not to on my end as well!!!
