Oh my god muddle. I have the same problem as you do. I didm't/don't know how to say no (learning how to do that these days). I always figured it was my "job" to say yes to my W and consequently, she now expects that anything she desires for me to do, I will without hesitation, because as you and I know, hesitation is almost as bad as "f-you honey I hate you and won't do a damn thing for you."
Muddle, we need to learn how to simply say no without all the gyrations we go through to justify ourselves either to her or us. Damn, I really think NORMAL people say no to each other all the time without a care in the world simply because, well, they want to. More than that, I believe the "normal" people they're married to accept this not as a personal affront but rather, well, a perfectly valid answer to be given to a yes or no question.
I am not saying you just say "no" to her without so much as a reason, but this thing we both do, feeling bad when we want to say no, is not right.
Muddle, I know I am being extreme. I know you say no all the time but what I am getting at is that both of our wives seem to have this ability to expect certain behaviors from us even though they are doing nothing to "earn" those behaviors. Sure, we love them and will do for them out of that love but in a sitch like ours, that doesn't, SHOULDN'T go as far as it did before all this.
Hell, we may have been "whipped" before but dammit if we should whip ourselves. Last time I checked we don't even have one of those things we get whipped by...lol.
