I still don't want a D, and I still hope my W and I can work things out.
She's still really fighting to get me to meet her expectations regarding what she thinks is normal behavior, and isn't accepting me as I am (which to me means she still wants things to work on some level). I do still try and keep an open mind to what she's trying to tell me regarding opportunities for self improvement: W calls and asks me if I can run her over to the store at lunch time. I asked her if there's no way she can walk there before lunch (it's about 3 blocks away) and she gets upset with me, telling me that she would have just done that if she wanted to, and that she doesn't have a car, and that if I didn't really want to take her for whatever reason I should have just said that. Now, I didn't mean to imply that I didn't want to take her, I am and was willing to do so, and I told her so before I said anything about her walking. I simply thought that it would be a more efficient use of time for her to walk and get done what she needed (she needs to get cards - not something heavy) without having to worry about whether she was taking too long for me. On the other hand though, on some level I am concerned about the fact that I have to get back to work after lunch and that I have little time as it is to take care of what I need to, so I should have refused because of that. Either way, I was wrong and she contributed her wrong to the situation too. There's always something to learn here, but it's difficult to maintain PMA and objectively view a situation while feeling like I'm always on the defensive. I need more time and space to cultivate myself. Maybe we'll be in better positions to discuss reconciliation after that happens. Oh yeah, and the affair has to end too.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
