Muddle, in no way did I mean you must agree with your W's criticisms. Why would you in most cases? To validate just means to acknowledge what she's feeling by showing understanding and empathy e.g. it must be very hard for you to feel I am not listening to you, that would be really frustrating". That's not saying that you agree with her just that you acknowledge what it must feel like to be her. That's it. Next step, "What can I do that would make you feel listened to". Again, you don't have to agree! Hell, my W says I have poor listening skills. Imagine what it must be like to hear that the skills you use to make a living are considered "poor" by your S! But, hey, tht's my world. I think you just have to let her have her say and really make her feel that you are hearing what is behind the words. Don't defend, explain, deflect just listen. All that stuff hasn't really changed things so far so why not change it. Is it easy? No way. Can it pay off? I believe so. You CAN do this Muddle, you CAN!!! You're a smart guy who is willing to look at things and make change, how can you lose?
