You make a good case here, Whatis. It struck a couple of chords with me in that you talk about the potential gains for me versus the non-gains for my W. This is really more of the same. So how do I give up the appearance that I'm going to get something for myself at her expense without showing her that I really have changed and become someone that's far more attuned to her needs and far more concerned with her well being in practice than I have ever been before at the same time? Can't be done, can it? I tend to think the detachment part is more for us, so that we can better manage our emotions in the face of what we're dealing with. This is one of the more paradoxical parts of this quest - that we acknowledge that we were doing wrong, want to demonstrate that we can do right, but have to hold back because it has now become somewhat inappropriate to do so because the relationship doesn't exist. Mind boggling. I mean, if this was going on without the affair it would be difficult, but I know there would be some willingness from her to get things moving smoothly. Now, she's wary of anything I do as an attempt to fix things. So, it's just about living in the moment, trying to stay attuned to what is at the moment and act appropriately, without regard to what you want them to be. Demonstrate love without demand - but don't do so in a man/wife context, just person to person.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
