Yes, that's my point exactly - I am caught in this cycle where I find myself on the wrong side of the hurt and pain and need to forgive myself again in order to get back to a place where the real work is done. I sometimes think about where I've been and marvel at the progress I've made personally, but it's meaningless in the situation, as it is. It will be relevant in the future, I hope to my W, but certainly to me.
I'm not really sure what I can do to avoid making more mistakes - but surely the biggest mistake is not to act. So I have been, and the progress is there, but I have to maintain motivation from the proper part of myself. I've tangled with that, and even when I thought I was being nice or good, it didn't come off that way. Well, another mistake I made in communicating, but I think I learned good lessons from those mistakes.
I think I'm too attached to the outcome I want. I have lots of justifications for my attachement, but I haven't been able to think about other outcomes in any clear way. I guess this is my way of maintaining hope, by not really allowing alternatives into my vision of the future. I abstractly know that it's possible that this won't be the outcome, but I'm in no way planning for it. Speaking about detachment, I sometimes wonder if this is counter to our objectives here because when we choose to detach it gives our spouses who have been detaching or are detached already some relief. They aren't aware of the loss of something they were attached to themselves, but rather the relief they feel when they have that freedom. On the other hand, if we are to re-discover ourselves in order to have more to invest into the relationship, we are doing the right thing. Kind of along the lines of a constructive separation.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
