Muddle's Waters IV

[MuddleThrough]

Thanks. I think the self-forgivness is important because it allows us to look at our past without resisting the truth that we had something to do with what is wrong now. I think it allows for more clarity because we're not trying to protect the self by placing all the blame on another, but rather looking for the truth that's there. Accepting my contribution to the problems is one and the same as accepting responsibility for them, and this to me is a call to action. I have to realize here that action - otherwise I'm still trapped in the cycle of intending to do well and not executing. But where I went wrong in in the context of my marriage which doesn't exist anymore, so I need to take away from this analysis transferable knowledge that applies to my whole life and being and make these changes that once I'm back in another relationship will apply and make my contribution to that relationship work. The forgivness allows me to get beyond the pain in order to have the clarity to do the work, the real work lies beyond that boundary, one that I find I constantly get beyond and then fall behind again.

Yes she does probably believe she was pretending, and there probably was a part of her that was. But this is not the entirety. We can choose to focus on the half full or half empty. This is a part of the half empty - but the potential of what we could become has not yet been met, and to meet it, we have to build on the good that's there. The pretending is something that is a part of her, just as she's pretending now. This fantasy relationship she's in has a great deal of role play in it, I'm sure. This is pretending too. If she weren't pretending she'd have put off the relationship with OM, addressed our M and our family, made a clean responsible break and then pursue the other relationship for real. No pretending. Now, as a married woman she's pretending to be single, pretending she's moving on with her life. Not that she's not in some real way, but on some level it's pretending. I think to some degree there always will be a bit of pretending in a relationship, a little acting "as if" for the good of the relationship. This is natural.