Muddle's Waters IV

[cat03]

I did my best, but misprioritized things. Good intentions, poor execution.

Well, that's me to a T, never meant to hurt my H in any way, I honestly didnt' know any better. You've accepted your share in the problems, you need to forgive yourself ONCE and for all, despite our mistakes nothing in this world justifies an A.

Does she really think she was pretending all these years? I know there was stuff about me that frustrated her. There always will be with another person, because there's always stuff that frustrates us about ourselves. That's what I can't quite get my mind around, that I can't understand.

She prob does, my H did for the longest time, told me -when he was away- he was just putting up a front, months later back w/me I asked him and he was happy during our M, he said "you tell me, did I seem like I was faking? I do think we had happy moments", you can't fake it for years!

She is the one who doesn't understand, everyone of us has their quirks and attitudes, you can't expect to have a marriage in which you never disagree, that's why 2nd marriages most times fail faster than the first, we all come w/our own baggage to a M, if a person is in denial the misery just follows that person like a dog.

I do remind my H when sometimes he gets frustrated and says "we still disagree on many things" and I say "yes, because (as the C told us) 60% of arguments in a M arent' solvable" it's how you deal with the problems that matters, how you handle them together and as a team, when you agree to disagree.

And about family and them disapproving of you, at some point I just had to say "Forget it". God knows and that's all that matters, no one really knows 100% what really goes on behind closed doors, so one should dare judge a marriage, things aren't what they seem. E.I: when my H was spiraling down into MLC, 2 wks before he left, 2wks after he empty our savings to get his appartment he went out driving on his motorcycle blindly and ended up at my brother's home. So my brother calls me and tells me "you should see how he's doing, he looks terrible, you need to be more understand, you need to stop being so harsh with him, yada yada..." I do have a bit of a temper so he just put all the blame on me without knowing ANYthing.
I didnt' bother to explain him, just told him he didnt' know the whole story and that it was my H's depression.