Problem is to be "in control" even of our own actions. When in this very out of control situation i.e. it got out of our control b/c it is happening even though we did not want it or ask for it, there is so much to deal with and so much emotion. Yes, we can let go, we can GAL, etc., but I have the feeling at least for me that sometimes I am a bull being pulled around by a ring in my nose. And the person at the end of the rope is some version of me.
So, for example, when meeting w/ my h last night in the 1st round of discussion about D negotiations, I wanted to be cool, to be able to say that we can do this business negotiation and leave the hurt, the sharp edges behind. But even as I approached the meeting I could feel the pull of emotion (from me - he had not said or done anything b/c I was not there yet).
Guess I am not even sure I can claim control of my own actions. I know what I want to do, I have an idea of where I want to go to find my own peace, but it is elusive, and esp. at moments like this. I sure know I cannot control anyone elses actions. xxx Amy
