New here and could use some advice...

[ForPeanut]

I am new to the site but have read "Divorce Busting" so am very excited to get some advice from someone other than my friends that can't really understand... Bear with me for the details... I have been married since 2004 but have been with my H since '98. We were the first "real" relationships for eachother. We were never "on and off" in our relationship except for one incident in 2002 when we broke up for about a week. We have a house and are expecting our first baby in January. (We went through fertility treatments for 2 years to get pregnant.) About a month and a half ago, he came to me and said that he was not happy in the relationship and hadn't been for a long time (years) and wanted out. I pried a bit and found out that there was an OW and he wanted to pursue a relationship with her. I have really no info on where they met or any details of their relationship other than that she knows all his friends (he never introduced me to them) and he has been seeing her since about May. Their R turned physical around July. Since I found out, he has said he wants to stay in our house with me until the baby is born and then he wants to get D. We both come from in-tact families and have both always said that we would never get a D. He has since started staying with a male friend (or so he says) during the week and staying at our house about one night a week. All of his things except for a week's worth of clothes or so are still at our house. I have been pretty good about not pursuing and making his time at our house with me as pleasant as possible. I avoid bringing up anything that might upset him. (We are having big financial issues which I have taken on to work out. I didn't mention that I found a shirt from the OW in his laundry. Etc.) He has been adamant about being a part of every aspect of the pregnancy and for the most part, does get excited when I tell him about feeling movements and wouldn't miss an appointment. I let him call me or text me on our phones first and have stopped saying "I love you" first. (He still says it to me first when he leaves as well as gives me a hug and kiss.) I have sometimes initiated holding his hand and he sometimes is responsive but is getting less so everytime we see eachother. We saw a MC but she was awful and made him feel terrible and so he won't go back. I have been seeing my own C and he is great but H won't go to him with or without me. I am scared to lose him and want very much to forgive and work through our issues. What else can I do to get back on track and hopefully avoid D? I have about 4 months before he is planning to be gone... Any help or feedback is greatly appreciated!

[whatisis]

Wow! Talk about being in a tough situation, a baby coming and a H leaving. I must say, you do sound great for what you are dealing with. let me guess, your friends all say "leave the bum", "you deserve better than this" (and you do!). It is very difficult to fight for your M when everybody thinks "dump the bum". First of all, they see your pain and they want it to end for you. Of course, the fastest and easiest way, in their minds, is to end the M. I'll bet you've heard "make sure he never sees the baby" etc. I hope they also see what an amazing person you are to even consider staying with this guy. I think you are DBing well here. Set yourself some small goals and try some stuff to get there (wow, that was profound wasn't it! ). It must be so hard to keep your mind on the baby right now. But, that child will be the LOVE of your life, with or without him. You've got an amazing adventure ahead of you so try hard to enjoy it. I hope others have more inspirational guidance than I have here. Keep us posted.
P.S. What kind of bitch gets involved with a man who's W is expecting their first child? Boggles the mind! Boy, he sure bagged himself a winner, didn't he.

[ForPeanut]

Tell me about it. I couldn't believe it when he told me. My first thought was exactly that-"What kind of girl would even pursue a married man with a pregnant wife?" I really hope that she is gone from the picture before the baby comes. H tells me she is excited for the baby. She definately doesn't deserve to be. Can we say homewrecker??? I am really trying to be good about the DBing but it is so emotionally tough to not just let him have it every time we talk or I find something else that either breaks my heart or pisses me off. Thanks so much for the support and I would love your feedback. I have started a thread on the For Newcomers section. Just look for ForPeanut. Hopefully I will see you there!

[whatisis]

The kicker here for you is that even if your M doesn't survive, eventually your H is gonna pay big time considering the trash he took up with!
She's excited about the baby...isn't that just so special!!!

[attorneytom]

Hi peanut ! Just caught your two threads. I dont think I have any advice for you other than keep DBing... but I wanted to say hello. and to say you are doing what you need to do !

Tom