Hi all, I'm visiting from the MLC and infidelity boards. My H and I are currently TRYING to piece things together, but it's not easy.
My H dropped the "i don't love you" bomb last Jan. Said there were problems with our M for years. Said that we've been "trying" to fix things for years and nothing changed (too bad I had no idea of this). He was cold and mean. He was a stranger. My H had died and some alter ego had emerged.
Turned out H had an OW. In Feb he moved in with her. As soon as I found out, i told him I wanted a D. 3 days later, he came home and wanted to work things out. 1 week later, he was gone again because he coulnd't give her up.
At this point, I caled a laywer and scheduled mediation. A month later we went to mediation. After mediation (which I didn't feel went particurlary well), I told H that I thought that he was lost. I told him that the person I knew was gone. I gave him the name of a C, which he took. Over the next month, our only discussions were regarding teh kids, and in many cases there were not nice discussions.
Slowly he started to come around. After about a month, he told me he wanted to starting seein a C. said he was going to get his own place here in town. Said he never loved OW and that I was the only one he ever loved, but that somewhere along the way, he lost his ability to feel. Within a few week, he wanted to come back again. Spend 8 hours telling me how it all happened and that he wanted to fix things.
Two weeks after that, I started to hear, "not sure if it will work". Then he went back to OW for a few days. Then back to me. That happened a few times throuohg the summer.
Currently, we are "together", but i have learned to keep my expectations very low. I am almost expecting him to leave again. The thing to remember is that our spouses really dont' know what they want. But if you stay strong (or make yourself strong), make a life for yourself, be a friend to your H, without seeming needy or too nice. Try to remember what drew him to you to begin with and start to show those things.
Most of all, you need to know that you can't control him or how he feels (i wish I coudl of my H, but i know i can't). You can only control you. Confidence is attractive. Be careful not to come across as needy. As the prvious poster said, I found that some of our setbacks and what sent my H runnign away was when I started getting too needy.
Hope this helps. My laptop battery is about to die, so i have to run. If you want to see my post, check out, What exactly is replay? on the MLC board.
