I wanted to stress that the exboyfriend was long before I met my H. I married H still carrying a torch for the ex. My ex and I had broken up years before. I thought I would fall in love with my H and forget all about my ex, but was naive about how marriage works.
I am now trying to establish a loving relationship with my H from a more mature perspective.
Peace is hopeful goal. For me, there was a lot of backstepping before I realized that saw how destructive my way of thinking was. It truly was an addiction. Anytime I was feeling uncomfortable, I retreated into my fantasy. I stop myself from going there now by telling myself that while it was powerful and felt fabulous for a short time, it wasn't the right time or place for me. I try to be thankful for the opportunity to feel that way about someone else and view it as a template for connection with my H now.
You're on the right track, crazedmom. Realization that the solution comes from inside is a great start. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
I don't mind the sun sometime
The images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
And smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and Sugar
And softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
Through someone elses eyes
BHS-"Pepper"
