Hey CN... I think it's great you have come to some new insights. That's the cool part of life...we grow, we stretch, we change...sometimes on our own, sometimes by being pushed along...sometimes because there is just no choice. It's scary, but it's what makes the journey so fascinating.
It's interesting to me that your H's behavior, the selfish virile stuff, is the kind of stuff I have been actually desiring from my H. For my H, that kind of action requires change and growth from the baseline goofy sexuality ( think Tom Hanks in "Big"). He has made a lot of progress, but it was fueled by changes in me---I had to be at a place of growth as well. One partner does some changing...and the other somehow is pushed along, or the relationship stagnates.
The changes that each of us want are all going to be diffferent because we come from different backgrounds, have had different experiences and are looking for different things. It sounds like you want your H to be more giving to you...sometimes a small change gets the ball rolling, so to speak. Is there something specific you could address? Is there a best way for your H to hear you? If your relationship is pretty good, you might not need to set off fireworks to get some movement happening.
