Quote: It's so good to be understood. But it hurts.
Well. Thank God. It's probably the first true emotion you've had in years. Count yourself lucky. Most abuse survivors NEVER get to the hurting part of it.
This may sound... harsh. I don't mean it to. Just absorb it.
The fact that you are able to feel anything in regard to your H and sex that is remotely different than digust is a true break-thru.
What you are feeling is normal, accurate and worth investigation. But I would caution you on 'labeling' it as his problem, or even your problem. Because really, it isn't a problem at all. You don't HAVE a problem.
You have emotions....
...in regard to sex with someone whom you care about... that have been sitting dormant under your resentment.
Your resentment... is linked, haphazardly... to all those wires that got crossed during abuse. There is no one at fault here. There are only wires to be untangled. And if you ever took apart your five deck stereo, moved, and then tried to put it back together, without the directions... you'll know of what I am speaking.
If not... then pretend you just turned your five year old loose on the motherboard of electrical circuitry to your home... 'look at all the pretty wires, Mommy!"
Get my drift?
The fact that you can even get out of your own skin and recognize what your H is doing is HUGE. There is nothing wrong with what he is doing, per se. Nothing. He KNOWS no different, for you have not been involved in the process up until your realization. You ken?
The hurt you are feeling... has no place in regret. You should be throwing a fcking party, girlfriend. The biggest gdam party on the planet.
