From one abused victim to another, I have to say I know EXACTLY what you are talking about.
My xH was very O driven... and I always felt that my O was never about me, it was always about him... I won't elaborate, because I know you know exactly of what I am speaking.
However. I will caution you on something. Though this may, in fact, be the case... we abuse survivors bring with us an odd vibe. We NATURALLY disconnect from the emotional exchange of intimate sex. Not because someone can't give they way we would like (or what we would like to feel from them), but because WE (you and I) have an ENORMOUSLY hard time receiving... love. Trust. Empathy.
There is nothing about you that gives off any vibe for him to intuitively pick up on. Not saying he isn't O driven, right now... but YOU can change it. And if you have any idea what I am talking about, you will feel a resistance inside yourself as you read these words.
I am just now wandering through this maze myself. I've darn near collapsed emotionally, sometimes, when I've tried to push myself too hard. I've even had PHYSICAL symptoms occur to sidetrack my efforts. Did you hear that? I've had psychosymatic, physical reactions during sex because I have been BOUND and DETERMINED to receive from my partner. It is dam near more than I can stand sometimes... emotionally, psychologically.
I'm glad, so very glad, you have had this revelation. And there is a way out of it. Honey, you are so normal it hurts. And I am so glad you are finally realizing it and letting yourself off the hook.
I'd be happy to discuss with you, online or off. Lemme no.
