The lighting o' the lightbulbs

[Burgbud]

I can understand wanting to feel that way, but he is going about getting that feeling in a manner that turns me off completely.

Then we both agree that part of your sexual job is to teach him how you like to be pleasured.


His actions indicate that I am a means to his ends.

You seem reluctant to share what specific actions of his are indicating this to you so we'll have to stick to generalities. You could well be entirely correct but that's not obvious based on what you've posted so far.


It's not me he desires, it's the feeling that he is a virile male.

Do those things have to be mutually exclusive?

Would he be just fine having sex with the most unattractive (to him) woman in the world, as long as her reactions made him feel virile? If you were ML to a man you desired, would it matter to you if he O'd? Would you want to feel like you were good in bed when you were with such a man? If so, your actions would probably indicate to him that you wanted to feel like a "virile female". Would this man you desire possibly think that you *didn't* desire him but merely wanted to feel like you were sexually adept?

If the problem is that your H is too goal-oriented during ML, in his mind he might well feel that if you're LD now you're *really* not going to want him if he can't at least get you off. So while his methods may be backfiring, it seems to me you have yet to make the case that he doesn't desire you. You've seized that conclusion very strongly, however. Is there a payoff for you in believing that?