The lighting o' the lightbulbs

[cinemanymph]

The last time my H and I ML, a bunch of lightbulbs went off for me. My H does not desire me! He wants to assuage his insecurities about being a man. OMG, he wants to use my Os to shore up his masculinity! My aversion to sex has so little to do with me having been abused, and so much to do with my husband's adolescent view of sex. I can't believe that this has been in front of me all this time and I didn't see it. Instead of confronting him about the things that bother me about his sexual style, I immersed myself in the pain of my past. What was I thinking? How could I do this to myself? Him? And my family? How do I come clean after 10 years of this?