I'm actually pretty good about that. In the past I'd only go through his wallet maybe once a year at most (and only if it just happened to be sitting somewhere nearby while I was doing something like waiting for him). I never expected to find anything and even if I did I'd figure it was work related and wouldn't worry about it.
But when I did start to get a very strong suspicion something was going on, that's when I started looking more closely at things. It did help me understand why he moved downstairs and then why he wanted to move out and file for divorce. Even through I knew he was drawing away from me and EXTREMELY agitated, he did an exceptional job hiding the affair. Even when I finally had proof (the cell phone records showing tons of phone calls between them) he still gave plausible excuses (saying the conversations were related to the class, or she was in town and they were talking every two hours because she needed directions or suggestions of things to see, etc.....). I have to admit the cell phone records were kind of strange because there were few long phone calls. Lots of very short one and two minute ones (I guess lots of voicemail messages???). I only had one month's worth of records. The thing I found undeniable is that my husband hates talking on the phone, is terrible about calling people, and yet when I counted phone calls her number was the one that had the most calls in a one month period of time. In addition, my husband doesn't have "women" friends. He might work with them and talk with them, but a more normal amount of phone calls in a month's time to a female co-worker would be 2 max. Maybe if they were working very cloesly on a project they'd talk more, but my husband hates the phone. Even that would be unlikely. He doesn't even talk with his immediate boss that often!!!
Oh well, sorry for the ranting on that. I'm hi-jacking your thread with my personal complaints here. I think in general snooping should be avoided, but sometimes I think it's helpful to have an idea of where they are. Although I think it could be counterproductive if it causes you to flip out. I found it reassuring to know my husband's decisions were based on an affair. The idea he was leaving me because he just didn't want to be married bothered me more than realizing he was dealing with the stress and confusion of an affair.
Although affairs are certainly no easier to accept than general unhappiness.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
