Quote:

Oh Alimary, when will I get to that stage? I'm still whining and asking asking so much from him

I need to take totally to heart what you wrote, I'm still holding some grudges, still making up scenarios in my mind, "fortune telling" negatively.

I need so much to read encouraging words like your post, I'm still having a pity party, but I do love my H, I just have to let him come to me and love him unconditionally even if he isn't very lovable at times.

Thanks luv)))))))))))))))))



I dunno when you will get to the stage I am at honey but it does take alot of hard work and I sometimes wonder how many times I can bite my tongue too..
I have learned alot here and I am so grateful for this Board.
I am glad that just reading my post would help you. Just this morning I got those feelings of wow he did hurt me alot or thinking about the " OW" too and him " being " with her.
Give yourself time to heal but do not force him to be a part of that healing.. yes in a "Marriage" he is supposed to be willing to step up to the plate to help you get thru this but now you have to step up to the plate by yourself and lick your own wounds.

He is home and now YOU must do the hard work of still working on YOU and healing... also I posted on your Sexual issues thread,,, I recommended you get the book Passionate Marriage by: David Scnarch MD ,, it is absolutely fabulous.

And as far as the way you feel honey I get down too, yes we have the blessing of restoring our Marriages and now we must give ourselves the GIFT only we can give ourselves to let go and realize yes we had a part to play but our H did not have to choose the path they did. Give yourself the gift of knowing that YOU are beautiful ,,,
YOU are valuable

and THE " OW " can not take that away. I work at this daily b/c I know I will never get my H to help me feel whole again that is something I MUST do for myself... He would rather pretend he never did something so horrendous.

I firmly believe I think about her now more than he ever ever does... he has had no contact with her for almost 2 months now. In 6 days it will be 2 months , I know cause he does not know I have access to his cell phone records and he has not called her number since then. It makes me happy to know that he is doing the right thing , he has no idea I can check and he himself has chosen not to call her.So I feel good in knowing that he stopped calling cause he himself chose to.

I will admit that shortly before he talked to her last I did tell him that if he continued to allow her to call and we were working towards a better M that I would no longer have any part of it so he had to decide and he decided that our M meant more to him than the "OW"
After I told him this she called him and their convo lasted all of 2 minutes.
It took another almost 4 weeks to go by and they were painful for me after he last spoke to her...

to ask him to remove her number, her pic she sent inside his phone and a TM she had sent. He would frequently ask me what was wrong when I was thinking about this subject and I would reply nothing is wrong and smile,, then one day I felt the time was right after he asked me again " What is wrong honey?" and asked him nicely to remove this junk. And he grabbed his phone deleted all of it and said " DONE" and smiled at me. He had access to her number for 5 weeks and made no contact with her,, I look back now and that makes me feel better. ( Although fear will creep in every now and again cause the " OW" is really good friends with my SIL and just 2 weeks ago she said to my H " XXXXXXX says to say hi to you.." the volume on his cell was really high and as I heard her say this and he was in our bedroom with me he immediately turned the volume down. So if he "really" wanted to talk to her he could even if the number is erased... but I can only have faith that if I am the best me I can be that he will never have a need to be with " OW" again)

So you see it is natural to have ups and downs but just be the best you you can be during the hard part of Reconciliation,, the way I see it is I have a special place reserved for me in Heaven and I have My H back too, the other stuff is just Baggage I need to get rid of..


Before the day he deleted her stuff from his cell...I thought about this daily and it hurt TREMENDOUSLY that he would keep it. I thought how arrogant...

...but I remebered he was home and I had reached my Goal

, and posted here and got some great 2x4s and I would let it go..

Sorry now I am rambling but I hope I helped you some and if you ever need a lift me up ....feel free to stop by my thread and let me know.
You can do this, I PROMISE, ( I know first hand...I used to be one of the most jealous ,insecure Ladies you would ever meet , well it did not help that he had cheated on me before) just get stronger within yourself honey...

I remember Daily if I got thru the seperation and going to file for a " D " for him.
..... and him not going thru with the " D".

I can make it thru anything....

I am a much better stronger Woman now than I have been for years.. It feels good to love yourself enough to know ...
"....that I can live with integrity."

even when he hasn't.
And like you said sometimes he is very unloveable.... Love him more. Do not be a doormat,,, just show him the best you and be full of life and passion .. they need you way more than they let on...
God bless..