The Little Black Book

[cat03]

well, I guess I really had no idea the extent of the internal damage in my H. I now see he isn't no where near ready to answer any more questions.

After reading some posts on the "are you happy" thread here, I text msg my H a question that had been on my mind, why he came back 9 days after he told me his T suggested we should date each other to see if we still worked or not.

I know we all have different goals and expectations, e.i: I never wanted my H tobe back just because it had become financially impossible to live on his own, others in this board mentioned they wouldnt' want their H back unless he'd come totally clean and recommit.

The answer I got from him was not what I "wanted" to hear, but it was the truth, and he's warned me before I may not like it. Over all he still feels low and me bringing it up is like going back on my word, that I'd forgive him when he decided to came back.

I now must work on myself to let him heal in private, I can't ask him to go at my pace and on my agenda, I will never know the full extent of the damage he's done to himself when he was away.

I'm also trying to see beyond the A, that the A was a side road, a horrible one, but a side road which wasn't the root of our M problems. I do tend to let the A to overshadow everything, even my good intentions of becoming a good loving wife. I let the A rob the best of my time and that has got to stop.

Instead of focusing on timelines and of what he was doing in such month/day I should focus on how can I make myself more appealing and becoming his friend without drowning him w/my neediness.