The Little Black Book

[cat03]

that when we visualise that we can survive even without H, is the time when we start to detach.

yoyo, I think you might have something there. I've regressed and forgot I had conquered that wall (surviving w/out H) and I'm back to that fearfull self who wouldn't know what to do without him, I think that's my problem, and that's why I can't be the woman that H can be attracted to, I have too much fear and self-doubt.

Had a small "incident" w/H right before he left, we had a great weekend, but long story short I wanted to know where he stood about God, one thing let to the other...him ending up accusing me of pushing him and of bring up YET another issue when he comes home when I mentioned how we married w/the knowledge God would be first and now it wasnt so, me feeling invalidated when he said it wans't "important" right now. After a strained discussion he tells me he isnt' ready to take that road yet, I validate him and tell him I just had to ask since silence had brought me nothing good in the past.

The moral of the story is, I shouldnt have mentioned how his standing on religion is now (he used to be very conservative and believed God was his #1 priority).
He is very jaded now and his views are nothing like the ones the man I marry had, which is scary at some degree.

This is another huge whole issue, but I see now that it was a mistake to bring it up, I'll follow his suggestion that unless he brings it up he isn't ready to talk about it.

It tears me to think that the M I wanted to build w/God as the base isnt' going to happen any time soon, that we can't commit together for now and for who knows how long. I know he needs time, but this issue really gets to me, I need to come to terms w/this situation.

BI, thanks for checking on this fool of a woman, as you can see I've been taking stupid pills lately.

OK, one day at time, he has opened up his heart to God before and he can do it again, please let it be so.