I did start thinking about what it would be like if I had D'ed my H, and that's when I really started detaching. Soon thereafter, my H decided he wanted to stay M'ed!
I think what BeingMe said is very true... that when we visualise that we can survive even without H, is the time when we start to detach. I recall putting a list of H's stuff that I need to get rid off, a list of child maintenance requirements, the mechanics of child visitation etc etc, that I could see that things would still be okay no matter what. When I started to detach and living my life as a single person, then only H was "pursuing"... Well, although we are piecing....I am still exorcising my personal demons of dwelling in the past. This is something that I need to let go if my M is to flourish from the mess his stupid A made.
