I think us, piecing folks, also have some "cycles". For a good while I stooped obsessing about where and what H did, I was fine w/that, now it is creaping up on me again. Not with the punch it had, but it is jabbing me here and there. My wounds are healing nicely, this little jabs poke at the wounds and it is still tender there, so I'm left sometimes w/a desire to have my H reassure me, but it ain't going to happen, since it'd involve dragging the whole "where you went for dinner/fun" w/her, and I dont' want to go there either.
I was reliving how on the vacation we took together before he came back he mention his T suggested we "date" each other to see if we still could reconnect. I actually panicked, I thought he wouldnt' like what he saw anymore and cut me off. We never got a chance to "date", I dont' know exactly when Op broke it off w/him but he moved back a week and a half later.
I wonder, how much leverage had the break up on him coming back. He had hinted during the last months and during our vacation about a future together, about things we'd do. Maybe the pain was too much of being alone and still depressed and he wanted to have someone around after Op broke it off.
A few weeks after he came back he did say in counceling that he thought he'd feel better if he came back but he didn't. It made me feel bad, but also had to remember he was still depressed. His new job lifted him out I think, thank God for that. He said a while ago that while he doesn't have the same issues as before he has new ones. I might suggest perhaps we go see the C if he still has unresolved issues.
Anyways, just wanted to get this things off my head. I'm being cruel w/this guy right now who met me and got my email, he is trying to pick me up but told me he wants to be just friends, we only email. He keeps sayign how beautiful I am and this and that, of course i can see right through that. Part of me likes to read those things, part of me wants to tell him to knock it off, I know my H wouldnt' like it if he knew.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
