You have EVERY right to ask him to get tested, and to SHOW you the results. I think it will be some nerve for him to get pissed at that.
When it comes to your HEALTH, all cards are off the table...it's not about M, reconciliation, feeling safe, love or emotions. It's something entirely different and on many levels, more important. Regardless of what happens between the both of you, in the end, you have your health for the rest of your life. Your kids have 1 mom, and you owe it to yourself and your kids to find that out NOW.
Be nice, be calm, but be firm. He can come back, he can send the OW flowers, he can be understood and have guilt. But, the duty to get tested is his to you, nothing to do with humiliation of what he did. End of story.
Also, if you feel you don't trust him (you don't and who blames you), kindly TELL him (not ask) that you need to see the results. Offer to do the same for him if you like. Tell him that you're not doing it to make him feel badly, but you care about your health, plain and simple.
No reason you should be skirting this issue at all. Others, perhaps be more delicate and DB....not with your health.
