Quote: I have decided that I want our marriage to work
Okay.
Quote: I just want some answers, and the truth. I want to know why he did it and why did he let it last as long as he did? Am I wrong for wanting answers?
You aren't wrong, it's just that this part doesn't go with the part above. So if you want to reconcile in a real way, than the actions of asking for answers would be very unhelpful.
Don't ask for answers. If you can keep your composure, an announcement about how hard this is for you and you'll need time and space to learn how to deal with it may be in order.
And then do things for yourself. Bubble baths and bowling leagues and shoe shopping and long walks and dog parks and whatever else you can think of that you enjoy. Try to invite husband along but don't expect him to come. And don't be disappointed when he says no.
Please try to remember that the definition of an affair differs greatly between men and women. In general, to men it has to involve sex to be an affair, to women if it's an emotional connection it's an affair. So don't beat yourself or your husband up over the different definition.
Many people here recommend the book Not Just Friends for affair participants and betrayed spouses. I've never read it, but it might be worth a look.
