I'm having a really hard day. It's not even frustraightion anymore . . . it's just such a deep deep empty feeling. A sense of loss that . . . well it's hard.
I just want to bawl. I can't believe that he has grown this cold to me that he doesn't even care not at all. Not even enough to call and tell me what he's doing. I mean that would be the minium I would think. Geesh. I guess the only time we'll talk now is through lawyers and across courtrooms. I don't know how to go about all of this. I don't know where to start. I don't want to start. I am weak in the knees and weary of heart. I've been trying to give up and give in and give it to God . . . but I am too damn stubbon to let it go all the way. I cannot soldier on anymore but I don't know how to just release. I guess I'll just lay here wounded for awhile and feel sorry for myself until I get sick of that and get motivated and give it on up. I don't want to walk away but my hand is forced into divorce. I guess I should expect that he'll file on Monday . . . so I should get papers what later this week. Let's all pray that Kiya's doctors appointment goes well. I don't know if I handle surgery and divorce papers all in one week.
