Thanks Lizemba . . . I've wondered about being "too available" but he often commented how he felt that I wasn't there for him. Or that I didn't want him to come back. Or that I didn't really love him. He felt like I had moved way past him and so he'd give up on me. I'm worried that the LRT method of going dark might make him call but take us steps backwards in that he'll feel I don't care for him anymore.
If he doesn't come home this weekend as he is suppose to I will stop calling him altogether. If he does come home . . . and things are good . . the urge to call him will go away because I'll have some sense of what he wants.
I'm working on it guys. Go ahead and rip me a new one about detaching if you must. Maybe eventually I'll learn
I'm having a really hard day. It's not even frustraightion anymore . . . it's just such a deep deep empty feeling. A sense of loss that . . . well it's hard.
I just want to bawl. I can't believe that he has grown this cold to me that he doesn't even care not at all. Not even enough to call and tell me what he's doing. I mean that would be the minium I would think. Geesh. I guess the only time we'll talk now is through lawyers and across courtrooms. I don't know how to go about all of this. I don't know where to start. I don't want to start. I am weak in the knees and weary of heart. I've been trying to give up and give in and give it to God . . . but I am too damn stubbon to let it go all the way. I cannot soldier on anymore but I don't know how to just release. I guess I'll just lay here wounded for awhile and feel sorry for myself until I get sick of that and get motivated and give it on up. I don't want to walk away but my hand is forced into divorce. I guess I should expect that he'll file on Monday . . . so I should get papers what later this week. Let's all pray that Kiya's doctors appointment goes well. I don't know if I handle surgery and divorce papers all in one week.
Please stop the drama. You haven't even given it a chance. You keep calling him and that just adds more pressure to him. Stop calling him and he will start wondering why you aren't and start calling you. You need to let him wonder what you are doing. Let him think you are moving on without him. That is what will get him to come around more. It is the challenge that they like. Right now he knows you are waiting and that he can do anything he wants. Sure it makes you mad but he knows you will get over it.
You need to give him something to fight for. Stop calling him at once. Don't call him to give him updates on the kids. He will call you. Each time you call him, it puts you back 2 steps.
If you don't want a divorce then you need to step back and just let things be. He won't think you have given up on him all together. You need to let him go in order to get him back. It takes time. It won't happen over night. It took almost a year before my H stopped being so angry. Now, we get along pretty good. We are learning to be friends again. You can only take one step at a time.
The one thing you need to do though, is to stop the drama. You are driving yourself crazy, he isn't. We have all been there. The drama will not get him back any quicker.
Well, I'll let Amy speak for herself, but what I can't believe how dedicated you are to feeling sorry for yourself ... it is basically a full-time job for you right now. Why don't you stop whining for a little while and use that driver's license and get out of the house and do something fun with your girls? Go window shopping. Take them to the library and get some books to read to them. Go for a picnic. Something. Anything.
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
Quote: use that driver's license and get out of the house and do something fun with your girls?
That'd be great if I
A:) Had a car AND B:) Could drive by myself. It's only a permit. . . . which means there has to be a licensed driver in the car with me.
I don't even know what to say. My husband is filing for divorce on Monday. . . . and I'm suppose to just be happy peppy fine with it now?
I just don't get it. How is that ME starting drama?
I thought that grief was a normal part of the cycle you go through when you "lose" someone. I keep going around and around . . . but I miss the closure step everytime. SORRY!
Also you have to cut me some slack PLEASE. . . . my hormones are still screwed up (remember I just had a visit with my doctor)! She said it could take up to two weeks before the meds. start working.
Quote: Hmmm ... when are you going to get your real driver's license? I didn't realize you only had a learner's permit. They like you to wait at least two weeks. But I'm going to need time to get experience so that I can pass the actual driving test. Plus learn how to do the parallel parking.
Oh, and your H is most likely NOT filing for D on Monday. You know that He has an appointment with that divorce lawyer he called. So that he can file for the divorce I believe this time he's actually going to go through with this.
3) That you think he's just running up and down the roads partying. Do you have any idea what it is like to be a truck driver? ANY AT ALL? No, you don't because if you did you would not call that man with all your bullsh*t. Sure he owes you more than you're getting but here's a freakin' wake up call for you, kid, HE OWES YOU MORE THAN HE HAS TO GIVE RIGHT NOW!
Back the hell up off the man and get a damn life, Emily! T2 is dead on when she tells you that you need to make him WANT to call you. You need to add a little mystery...make him think he's got something to fight his way back FOR. At this point, you are just a wet dishcloth that clings to him each time he makes contact. BACK OFF. If he calls you, fine, do NOT talk about the R. If he says he's coming home, say okay (then believe it when you see it). Whatever. Your job is to GET A LIFE OUTSIDE OF KEVIN AND THAT APARTMENT. When will you have your full driving privileges? What can you do to make that happen faster? THAT IS YOUR PRIORITY! STARTING NOW.
If you will focus your attention elsewhere, it will GET HIS. But when you start to do that, he calls and you are right back to where you started. BUT THAT IS YOUR DOING.
GROW UP, EMILY. GET A LIFE. STOP WAITING FOR HIM TO HAND YOU ONE.
And do not think we are going to let you blame this on hormones. Sure, that's a factor but moreso, it's your learned behavior that is so dysfunctional and destructive.
What are you learning? What HAVE you learned?
I want you to answer those questions and I don't want to hear that you have learned that "Kevin this" or "Kevin that" either.
What is it exactly you can not believe? 
