Yup . . . things on my front should definately calm down after today! THANK GOD!
I just am so unsure how to proceed with my H.
I've been going against ALL DBing . . (SORRY GUYS) and I have been chasing him. I'm so damn scared to just let go. I'm scared that if I let go I'll never get the catch to reattach to him in anyway. I feel defeated by HER (slutty ass OW!)
Maybe I am. I know that if I am, it's because of him not me. BUT it's hard for me to live that feeling everyday. I also know that IF he chooses her over me SOMEDAY I will someone who will love me. BUT that's also hard for me to believe. I thought he was it.
I NEVER would have had kids with him. . . had I known all of this would happen to THEM. I feel horrible. I LOVE MY GIRLS . . . and wouldn't trade having them for the world. BUT I feel sooo bad that they have to live in a broken family, because my H is immature and feel for the OW game. BEFORE him she tried to get his 16 YEARS OLD BROTHER TO MARRY HER. When that didn't work she dove in after my H because she knew he was hurting over us breaking up.
NICE! AND NOW SHE GETS TO KEEP HIM? WTF?????
I need some reassurance once again. And a good solid smack from Amy!
Emily, I'm very glad that you're addressing your depression and got your driving permit. The driving permit is an outstanding change to your external circumstances, and I know that it will definitely make a positive impact on your life.
What I would like to know, though, is when you're going to start working on internal issues. I'll be praying that you now devote yourself to spiritual growth and start addressing your self-esteem issues and emotional dependency on your H. Good luck!
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
Amy soooo sorry you had such an AWFUL day yesterday! Hope today is better for you!
So RB I don't exactly know how to respond to you this time. I'm working on getting myself to let go. I've been in a REALLY low place lately. Once I start to come out of this depression crap . . . I bet you 100 bucks I won't care whether he stays or goes. (well I will . . . but not like I do now).
After talking to the doctor yesterday I don't think my hormones EVER got back to normal after having Felina. So I've been running around crazy for 2 years. No wonder my marriage went all to pot. Hopefully we'll get my hormones back on track and the "old Emily" will come back and it'll all get better. WITH OR WITHOUT KEVIN.
I don't really have anything else to say . . . I'll be around later. Hope you all have a great day (especially you Amy)
I'll cruise on over to Amy's post and see what's shakin'!
On an important side note:
I don't think my H is coming back!! Not this time at least. I think he may even actually file for divorce. He's so convinced that he truly LOVES this OW.
I'm soo frustraighted! My H hasn't called me since Wednesday when he called and was all angry. And . . I'll admit I called him and left him a pretty nasty VM (I shot myself in the ass I know ) I've called since and appologized, not that it does any good.
I am horribly frustraighted. I was REALLY looking forward to this weekend. Now . . . . Well . . . you know! Why can't he just make up his mind?
This is just my opinion, so take it for what that's worth.
He can't make up his mind because you're really not giving him the space to do so.
Stop calling him. Stop reacting negatively toward him, even when HE is being angry. When he doesn't call, he's thinking about all of this...and trying to come to a decision about what he wants for himself. When you interfere with that process, you set the whole thing back.
Whenever you feel like calling, do something, anything else. I usually call a friend or write a journal entry. Sometimes I go for a run. I promise myself I'll think about it first. If after an hour I still feel like calling, then I tell myself to wait another hour and see how I feel. Usually, the urge goes away...as I realize that calling my H will only makes things WORSE.
Focus on YOU. Stop worrying about what HE does, says, etc.
I probably just said "Why can't he make up his mind." because I know he has made up his mind. He is divorcing me to be with her.
I just don't want to except that it's the truth. I want to believe that he is confused and that he really does love me. Bottom line is he doesn't love anymore. For two years I wasn't myself (after talking to my doctor she doesn't think my hormones ever went back to normal after Felina) 2 WHOLE YEARS. Now that I finally stepped up and got help and am leveling out. . . he's done.
I do still call. But it's just to "update" him. Let him know that I am thinking about him. I don't call him and exploded or beg or cry. But for instance Kiya sat in the walker for a little bit today. . so later when I call I'll tell him about that and just tell him I hope he had a good day and that he's safe etc. If that's wrong then shoot me. I would do it for the rest of my life cause I do love him. This is really hard for me to face. I just I really wanted to have a good weekend with him this time around. . . and he never gives me the chance. It's always about HER.
Maybe this is a longshot...but are you too available? Not enough of a challenge? Does he know you're just sitting there, waiting for him? If so, that's not very attractive. Men usually like strong, independent, confident women.
Stop calling him to update him on the girls. If he wants to know what's going on, HE will call.
