Then YOU are CREATING too much drama in your life.
On Wednesday, a 25 y/o man went into a college in my city and started shooting.
One young woman (18) is now dead.
19 others were sent to the hospital.
Of those, two are in comas and one is on a ward, but was shot in the head and will very likely suffer permanent damage.
These people did not expect to wake up that morning, go to school, and get shot.
My cousin is a student there and we had a stressful couple of hours waiting to hear if she's okay.
Many of my own students have friends and/or family members that go to school there. One is a good friend of one of the kids in a coma.
The only reason it wasn't worse was that the police happened to be on the scene for something else, and also had changed their tactics after an incident in 1989, in which 14 women at a local university were killed.
I knew one of those girls. The photo of her sitting in the cafeteria with her face shot off was on the front page of newspapers around the world.
THAT is drama Emily. This BS about Cassie's MySpace and Cassie's best friend's comments is childish stupidity.
I have been with you for months now, trying to help, but I'm stepping off this rollercoaster.
I am happy that Amy is going to stay with you to help you. I do hope that you will accept the hand that she is offering you. I wish you and your girls, and even Kevin, the very best. I hope that your lives will be filled with love and peace.
~Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
I know you're right Amy. That's why I did call the OB and talk to her as honestly as I could about things. Like I said though she said when I go back in for my birth control checkup we can talk more about if I'm still feeling low.
I did the best I could And she's probably right.
I also think you are right Nic . . . I really do create more drama that what things are worth. But at the time they are happening it doesn't feel that way. Sure I totally agree that people losing there lives is way more tragic than a marriage breaking up. I guess I only freak out because it feels like he will be dead to the girls if/when he finally goes for good.
I really don't think it's a matter of if . . . it's a question of when he will leave. He called this morning (5AM) said everything was fine. Said he was sick of myspace etc . . it was all bullsh*t etc. I told him I was sorry (I WAS VERY CALM THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE CONVO) but that I just wanted the truth even if it ment that he was with her. He said he will be home next weekend. He sounded tired but good. I don't believe for one second he'll actually show next weekend anymore than I believe that everything is fine between us.
Emily just dropping by as I do occassionally. Your thread moves fast so don't have the time to read all that has happened since I was last here. However I have made one observation. You always seem to expect the worse!
Quote: I really don't think it's a matter of if . . . it's a question of when he will leave
Quote: don't believe for one second he'll actually show next weekend anymore than I believe that everything is fine between us
That is just in your last post. I think you need to start looking at things from a totally different perspective. If H says he is coming home for the weekend believe until he doesn't show. I know how terribly hard this is especially when you have every reason not to trust him but I think if you look at those threads where there has been a successful reconciliation they have had a completely different way of thinking to yours.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
ACJ I know you're right about me always expecting the worst from him . . . but it's what I ALWAYS get.
If I expect him NOT to show I won't be crushed and end up in a tailspin next weekend. If he shows . . . it'll be a great "surprise" and I can be happy then.
Just like I believe he is lying about us being OK. I think he's still with the OW. I won't let him know it. BUT if it ends up NOT being true then it'll be pleasant. If it ends up being true at least I can tell myself I knew it all along.
Emily I have been trying to follow your threads and it is hard to keep up. So, let me get this straight... Somewhere in your thread I could have sworn you said that you tried to get pregnant for 14 years or since you were 14? And you are now 21. Just tell me I misread that somewhere.
One minute you are going to keep the girls, then the next minute you want to give them up.
One minute Kevin tells you that he loves you and the next minute you ASSUME he is lieing to you and wants a divorce, even though he has told you he doesn't.
Now the past 2 days have been total and absolute chaos because you read some crap on myspace and think that this Cassie person is going to end up with your Husband even though he is coming home.
Do you see how you are your own worst enemy? Do you see that you are the one making this so insane? It doesn't have to be this way.
Have you ever read anything that has been suggested to you regarding Divorce Remedy or D-busting? It may be time for a refresher course.
Each one of us here has been in a similar situation and we have all made mistakes in how we have handled things. It may now be time for Emily to start being a grown up and learning from those who have gone before her.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
I'm new here but I have just read your stit and I remember when I was only 27 with 2 small children and no job when my first H left. I know that you are scared - but believe me I did the same thing as you - being negative. Please take my advise and just worry about you and your girls - as hard as I know this is. If he does not come back to your marriage and your girls - believe me they will make their own decision about him when they are older. Do not speak badly about him, do make the girls spend time with him whenever he is available. My children are now 29 & 26 and neither one of them have contact with him - that is their decision and not mine. I have always made them keep in touch with him and when both turned 18 they were done. He cannot blame me and he knows this. We are now grandparents and he really doesn't even know his grandchildren. Sad it is!
Anyway, I also live in PA - Phila - where do you live?
Please try to relax and enjoy your children while the are small - mine were my saving grace. Put all your energy into them and not him. The rewards are tenfold - unconditional love. Nothing like it. God bless you and your girls.
Everything is fine. I went out with a friend. I haven't even been on here since my last posts until right now. She is going to hang out here tonight. But even if she wasn't I AM FINE. Yeah I'm having a hard time dealing with my H leaving his family for the whore. But it's whatever. . . it's done. I can't undo it. I can only fight him tooth and nail for every goddamn thing I have.
Really . . . everything is fine.
I just had a really crappy day. I'm not f-ing bi polar. It's just hormones and stress . . . . I really do think most of this is normal.
Emily, no mother who would think of giving up her kids to an abusive, vagrant, child-man like Kevin is "normal." None of the other women who post on these pages have "hormones" that cause such violent mood swings and emotionalism. No other sitch on this site goes through 10 pages in one day the way that yours did on Thursday.
The thing is, Emily, you're doing most of this to yourself. There are a lot of sitches on this site from people who are hurting from cheating spouses, yes, but who are using that pain to grow stronger and, ultimately, to come to a better place. You should try reading them.
Ultimately, Emily, none of us can help you if you won't work on changing yourself. If you can't do that, then you must get professional help to accomplish self-change.
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
Quote: Somewhere in your thread I could have sworn you said that you tried to get pregnant for 14 years or since you were 14? And you are now 21. Just tell me I misread that somewhere.
Yes you did read that wrong OR you read it somwhere else! I don't recall ever saying anything about when I was trying to get pregnant. If I did I probably said that it took awhile . . . . but no I NEVER would have thought about it at 14. I was a good kid
Quote: Anyway, I also live in PA - Phila - where do you live?
I have a girlfriend that lives in Weschester(or maybe it's Westchester . . I don't actually know . . .) down there We are from upstate PA though (I think it's about 4 hours away she said) . . . Tioga/Potter County. We're big hunting counties cause there's nothing much around. Cattle and wildlife . . ha!
I know that the negativity isn't great . . . but it's better than trusting YET AGAIN and getting burned. He only calls me once every couple of days. It's probably because he talks to her so damn much. I just want my girls to have a good life. I know that he could provide for them more than I will ever be able to.
I've pretty much got a job. BUT . . . it's just a sub. position in the elem. and H.S. in the kitchen. I have to send in my criminal and child abuse checks so that I can get the clearances and then I'll be on the list to sub. in! So that's good news. . . . now if I could just find a steady part time ANYTHING! I'm looking!
It seems like since he "broke" up with her on the 11th he's REALLY pulled away from ME! Is that normal . . .
This is the first time he's made any real forward progress. Including dumping her and having his address for parking changed to here so he'll be home on the weekends.
How long does it take to get the OW out of the system . . .are they ever really gone?
As I sat in church today my Pastor said something that I knew I had to bring straight to you.
He said:
"Whoever gets into your head controls your life. The cares of this life will choke the Word of God (render it ineffective) and make you unproductive".
I don't go to church every Sunday because lately many of them have been spent working on the house with my husband. I made it a POINT to go today and as is typical when I've been absent for a while, I received quite a lot of inyourface correction and revelation from the Lord. THAT (above) was for us all but it was impressed upon me that I needed to convey it to you. "EMILY" is what I heard in my head after my Pastor made the statements. Take it for what you will, but it's not every day you get a message from the Throne.
Please pay attention.
Sometimes I have wondered if I would be able to hear Him speak to me because of the besetting sins I fight against daily, but I know I heard Him this morning.
