I have a couple thoughts. First, yes, insisting the EA/PA be over will get you no where - other than pushing them further toward the OP. I think that DB'g is really all about "transforming" or "reforming" ourselves into the people that our WAS's fell for. Sprinking with a little guilt and you have a shot at getting back your spouse. But I think too often when they come back, we LBS's take a breather (we deserve one, we've been DB'g our arses off) and the WAW sees the same person again...maybe needy and suffocating - why not, we want to shower them with love, lovemaking, whatever. Patience.
So what are your goals WAWFighter? What works toward those goals, what doesn't?
Look, when I found out about the PA that was going on in my sitch, essentially had two goals. First, since I had all sense that I was soon to be a single dad of three boys was to become the best darn dad I could be (okay that started long before that, but I followed through with more vigor) BECAUSE second, I was going to out run and out distance this OM in all regards. And I did. BTW, one of the "turning" points was my WAW realising that the OM was in no way could hold a candle to my parenting - but more so that I was obviously starting to show I was wringing every ounce of life out of life I could.
Which got be thinking - I used to snoop too and I have to tell you it does NO good. It effects your mood and that shows. It further fosters a atmosphere of distrust. Now, sure, your W MIGHT be acting distrustful - but you don't know that. I think much more is gained by looking inward, with strength and integrity and living a life that a WAS could only choose to want to be a part of.
It ain't easy and some days are a challenge still - but I think as we go through each day we seem to be appreciating a little more what we have and where we're going. Nice thing is, I'm drivin'
Hope that helps.
Sven
Never sacrifice the great for the good. Sometimes the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.
