Quote: Stop ignoring those things and be the man she wanted. Not for her, but for you because deep down, you probably know that's the man you should be regardless of what happens with you and W. Be true to yourself and let your integrity shine. I promise you, the guilt will follow.
Major dittos from here!
My W ended the affair upon telling me, for reasons that (she says) had nothing to do with me, more with her and God.
But I can affirm that by simply becoming the husband I really wanted to be anyway, and doing it without waiting to see whether it works, or whether she'd reciprocate, made a world of difference in my sitch, but the real difference has been in myself.
Just like despair and anger feed on each other (the more you give in to it, the worse it gets), love and kindness do the same, and just as your mental state can affect your actions, your actions can affect your mind and emotions.
Choosing the right actions ends up changing you on the inside, which also helps you act even better.
And the better I act and treat my W, the more she's interested in connecting with me again. We're still not quite there yet, but I think we're making decent progress there.
I haven't found anything else that works. This did once I figured out it couldn't be done to simply change her or get what I want from her. That's manipulation and women seem to be pretty dang good at seeing through that. I confess I did do that at first, but once I made the decision to do it for me (hard as that was to detach from her), I started seeing way more progress than I thought possible at this stage of the game.
Which isn't to say we're close to success...just that progress is better and I'm more able to deal with the slow pace.
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. -- Inigo Montoya, 'The Princess Bride'
